Day 14: Dealing with Anger without Nicotine

Personally, this morning sucked craving-wise. I got into a bad argument with my significant other, and it took quite the effort not to smoke. I took deep breaths, talked to myself about what it would mean to smoke, how it would not change my situation, how it would only make me feel bad and how I would end my quit, end my blog and lose the good momentum that I have been maintaining. I accepted the craving feelings for what they were and rode out the panic of it all. It sucked, and it felt good to finish it without smoking and get on with my day. I did not pick up that cigarette and puff out my problems.


This leads me to wonder about a section I am reading in Yes! You Can Stop Smoking by David C. Jones. He speaks of how whenever a smoker gets ticked they immediately reach for a cigarette. Now we know that when we take that first puff the nicotine reaches our brain within 7 seconds and proceed to stimulate our senses of safety, warm-fuzzy feel good chemicals such as dopamine and basically artificially make us feel okay. So what Jones says is that instead of facing the problem that has made us angry in the first place, we smoke instead.


Now in one way I can buy into this, that yes our brain is artificially being stimulated by nicotine. I feel calmer, more thoughtful and at ease with my situation. I am not going to smoke that cigarette and the problem goes away though. We still deal with the problem, hopefully. What Jones states is that when we quit, all of the anger we suppress while smoking comes out. I don't know this seems like a little over-thinking of the situation. It is almost saying that smokers can't deal with their issues.  Puffing away on a cancer stick is not going to make the problem go away. But that doesn't mean smokers aren't smart enough to solve their anger issues. This guy is not a doctor, though he is a director of a stop smoking program.


I do think that when a smoker goes to smoke a cigarette after experiencing a stressful situation, they are breaking themselves from the situation. They are separating themselves from the situation and are allowing themselves time to rationalize what is happening. Recovering smokers face this anger head on, can't escape it because escaping means smoking. We have to figure out how to take that time out without smoking. We have to figure this out while facing strong cravings because of stress. This rises our stress levels and makes us even more angry. Without proper tools and education in dealing with stressful situations, we are doomed to smoke because we do not know how to do this without a cigarette in our hand.

Day 13: Bad Day

Ugh.  I have a migraine.  Combination of not being able to deal with family stress and craving.  Didn't smoke but my head hurts.  I am going to sleep so it goes away.  Sorry for no insightful thoughts and ruminations.  Tomorrow.  Bleh.

Day 12: Learning About Stages of Addiction and Recovery

I found a book to help me along in my recovery process.  It is called: Yes! You Can Stop Smoking - Even if You Don't Want To - Recover from Nicotine Addiction.  This book is by David C. Jones.
So far I am pretty impressed with this book because it is educating me about the nature of addiction - specifically nicotine addiction.  Right up my alley.

Right from the start Jones dives in about the stages of recovery - basically what the mind goes through while quitting smoking.  He is pretty on target of what I have been feeling mind-wise.  It is easy to find information about what happens to our bodies - but our minds are a whole different manner.

So the first stage he identifies is the Fear stage.  From what I get, this is the early stage of the quit and lasts from the time we identify that we need to quit smoking to about two weeks in.  This is what keeps us from taking the initial dive into a quit and keeps us smoking, giving up within two weeks and keeps us from staying quit.  Remember when I spoke of how I was worrying about craves I didn't even have yet, the future cravings? That is a prime example of the Fear stage.

The Fear stage has a whole grocery list of fears that try to trick us into giving up on the quit or not even trying in the first place.  The fear of pretty much anything: success, failure, withdrawal process, anxiety etc. Jones' solution to the stage is to talk about these feelings with a trusted confidant and accepting the feelings for what they are to take away their power.

I can defiantly say I am still in this stage and I can say it does take a lot of work to beat the fears that come along with a quit.

The second stage is the Adjustment stage, and can last a few months to a year.  This is the withdrawal process that we all feel.  Physical and mental challenges our bodies and brains that leave us feeling a whole spectrum of emotions and ailments.  We learn how to do day to day activities without cigarettes.  Our bodies are clearing out the poisons and healing themselves.

The adjustment stage might have the highest probability of relapse because of the gain in confidence.  This false sense of security can make us feel like we can handle just one cigarette.  Withdrawals and cravings become severe in thirty day intervals that can blindside someone in recovery.  Emotions can be extremely vivid during this stage and the inability to deal can cause a relapse.

The best part about the adjustment stage is that I will start to gain self esteem and gratitude for my quit.  The biggest help for this stage is having a good support group, good friends and keeping a daily journal (Yay for me!)

Now I think the adjustment stage starts at day 1 as we struggle to learn how to live a non-smoking life, struggle with withdrawals and celebrate each day we stay smoke free.

The next two stages, Anger and Growth, work together and last up to eighteen months of a quit.  There are some main points about anger and growth that really scare me.   If I do not handle my emotional issues correctly I will smoke again.  This is what happens and every smoker knows it, they have done it.  We get upset, stressed or angry.  What do we do - grab a cigarette.  When do we really resolve HOW we got upset, stressed or angry in the first place?  How do we resolve our emotions without smoking?  How do we take that time to cool off and deal with our feelings without the mental break a cigarette provided us?
So these past issues are going to pop up and we have to learn how to deal with this emotional pain, take responsibility for them and then choose not to smoke as an immediate solution to these problems.  (That is the Growth)  This is really stressful for me.  But on the other hand this emotional growth is an exciting adventure to become a better person.

The last stage of addiction is the Maintenance Stage.  This is the rest of our lives.  Jones speaks of having healthy coping skills, spirituality, short and long term goals and non-smoking friends.  He kind of describes a non-smoking utopia.  Since I am not here yet, I am willing to be extremely judgmental and probably misunderstand what he is trying to say.  I know many smokers who have these attributes.  It almost sounds like he is ball-busting the smokers and making people who do not smoke into saints.  A little to high nosed for me.  But they always say that former smokers are the worst critics against critics so who knows how I will feel when I am actually here, right?

Jones gives a two year goal and he says, "it takes two years to make a complete transition from a smoker who is not smoking to a non-smoker who feels like a non-smoker."  Two years to change twenty-four years of an addiction - yeah I like those odds.

Day 11: A Quiet Nicotine Free Day

Another quiet day.  I think now the part of this quit is learning to live a new life.  What life can it be?  I believe this is what I will be pondering in the upcoming week.  Exercise?  Eat better?  What am I going to do with this time?  This body?  The new sensations that I have forgotten like smell and taste?

Body-wise the dizziness is almost gone.  Sometimes I will get a small bout but nothing remarkably serious.  My nose and sinuses still get plugged on occasion along with a sore throat.

I am still drinking water, taking vitamins, drinking green tea - though I do get lazy.  It is strange to have to be an active participant in my health.  As a smoker I think I had the attitude of what will be will be.  So sad and strange that I want to change all of this.  What an amazing transformation.

Day 10: Where is my Motivation?

Once again another quiet day.  I had a very hard time with motivation today.  I is like I can not find how to do the things I love to do now.  I am going to have to find a way to structure my days until I can get a feeling of this new life.  I hope this demotivation will pass quickly.  I do not like this feeling.
Another part of it is that I am extremely tired.  It is very hard for me to move when my body feels so sluggish.  It looks like I have a lot of work to do - to do lists, schedule.  I can not keep doing nothing, that is the easy way out.  How depressing.

Day 9: Missing My Old Routine

I felt like something was missing today.  Every time I finished with a task, I felt like I should be going outside to sit like I used to.  I was afraid to go out to just enjoy the sunshine.  It would feel like letting the devil in my doorway.  So the question is this.  How do I learn to relive my life?  There is no guidance, no how-to book and no one can tell me how to rebuild my non-smoking life except for me.  Smoking is how I have lived ever since I was a teenager and now I am rebuilding a new non-smoking me.
So I start from the ground up and learn to relive my life. I have to learn what true rewards are.  I build without chemicals to fog up what is real and feels real. That is something new to me.
Even though nicotine does not fog the brain the way drugs or alcohol would, I believe it really messes with how I thought and enjoyed life.  How does such a chemical make someone so dependent when there are no physical feel good effects?  How do people continue?  How do we get trapped with this chemical when we don't even get a high?

Day 8: Beating the Nicotine Cravings

A lesson in craving today.  I knew that I was going to come upon a stressful event later on in the day.  This brought upon a cluster of cravings that lasted for a little while.  I told myself that smoking is not going to make this event any less stressful.  In fact, if I smoked I would probably be more stressed out because I would be really disappointed in myself.  I talked myself through to the event, kept delaying.  When the appointment actually happened it all turned out to be good.  There was nothing to stress over in the first place.  I felt so good to have conquered a part of the old addictive me and my old ways.  I have been trying so hard to become healthier and more conscious of my body.  Instead of giving into every little whim that my addictive brain demands I am trying to make conscious decisions about my health.  It feels good.  It is hard work and defiantly not the easy road.  The reward at the end of the day is worth the effort.

I am still walking every day and enjoying every minute of it.  These morning walks really do feed the soul.  Two pictures I was able to get today really embody what a reward not smoking is.  My smoking self would have been home - smoking and drinking coffee.  I would have missed this moment.