Day 21: Living with a Smoker while Quitting Nicotine

I have not mentioned yet that I live with a smoker.  So I have been trying to do this quit while having tobacco around me to constantly tease.  The smoker isn't teasing of course, and he has been pretty respectful.  It is just to have the tobacco there, the ashtray there and him doing what I used to do really is hard to turn away from.  He smokes outside, but whenever the door opens it triggers me.  I used to go out there with him.  Then when he opens the door to come back inside the smoke sucks into the house.  Most times it is easy to ignore unless I am working through a craving.  The smell of burning tobacco during a craving is almost more than I can bear.

On the other hand, the smell of stale tobacco is horrid.  In the truck I can smell the tobacco linger in my hair even though no one smoked around me.  Jackets or sweatshirts that have yet to be washed reek.  This smell gives me a headache and makes me feel queasy.  I do wonder that if I am exposed to second hand smoke if that will trigger my neurons the way smoking a cigarette would.  I know it would not be as big of a hit as a cigarette, but I am thinking that if I inhaled second hand smoke it would break the law of addiction.

So I am living with a smoker, and have not picked up a cigarette during all this time.  I did not smoke during those nasty cravings that I have been going through.  I could have grabbed a cig easily, even lit a refry.  I chose not to.  Looking back choosing not to smoke those cigarettes sitting on the table took the same amount of willpower it takes me to not drive to the store and buy some.  I do not want my quit to end.  I understand the law of addiction and its power over me.  I enjoy the feeling I have after beating a craving.  I am enjoying my body as it heals.  I love how it feels, how I am breathing better, how I can smell and taste.  All of these things are beginning to mean more to me than getting that hit of nicotine.

Tips While Quitting when Living with a Smoker

• Ask the smoker go outside to smoke.
• Ask the smoker to not leave their cigarettes in plain side.
• Ask the smoker to get rid of their butts right away.  Safely of course.
• Do not use the smoker's habit as an excuse for you to smoke.
• Leave the house before you choose to smoke.  See if getting away can give you a little perspective.
• No smoking in the house or vehicles.
• Change your routine and be ready to distract yourself during smoke times.
• Reassure yourself with your quit smoking websites, books, letters and journals.
• Do not lecture the smoker or make them feel bad because they are still smoking.  
• Do not try to quit at the same time when you live together.  Recipe for disaster.

Day 20: Getting through the Cravings is its Own Reward

I want to say something that no one will believe unless they experience it themselves.  When you get through a major craving that brings you to your knees.  When you accept that craving and not give in and smoke - oh the reward of it is more satisfaction than any cigarette can provide.

The worst non-smokers are the used-to-be-smokers because they have gone through their own personal hell and survived with success.  Of course they are going to be smug know-it-alls.  They feel as if they accomplished something that no one else has.  They look with disgust at smokers because cigarettes have become the enemy.  The smell, the taste of second-hand smoke, seeing someone exhale and inhale - all of it disgusts them because the quit is unpleasant and mentally painful.  Watching someone else become consumed by this habit that hurts so many things and this makes them feel very angry.  I am going to do my best to not be an angry ex-smoker because I can understand the addiction, the relapse and the quit.  There is no reason to judge.

Everyone wants to encourage people to quit so they don't really talk about exactly how hard cravings can be.  They say work through it, talk yourself out of it, use your tools and this sounds so easy.  It is not easy.  It is nerve wracking.  Cravings are awful.  AWFUL.  Be ready for them.  The little cravings during Hell Week are nothing compared to big stress cravings.  I saw three very determined quitters give in to their cravings this week because the regular cravings are physically and mentally exhausting.  Do not be scared of this but be ready.

I always thought of cravings as contractions a woman has during childbirth.  They are very similar.  They build up and spread until the whole body feels consumed with one unpleasant sensation.  Time distorts as this unpleasant feeling takes over our thoughts.  We focus our attention on working through the unpleasantries, breathing and distracting ourselves.  As the contraction/craving fades we are one step closer to a new life.  As soon as that new life appears we forget all of the pain and focus on the joy.  We never forget the hard work.

The feeling you get after the crave is over is better than any cigarette.  This feeling of accomplishment is a rush in itself.  Not the same as a nicotine rush.  Defiantly better than a nicotine rush.  The feeling is harder to identify unless I really think about my overall satisfaction with what I am doing with my life and health.  When I think about this and compare it to the nicotine rush I would much rather choose my quit alternative.  It is what motivates me to continue this wicked journey.

It has been a little cold here so I have been avoiding my walks.  I know, I know.  You miss the pictures.  So do I.  I will get out there soon.  I have not gained much weight yet and I think it is because I have been excercising and focusing on my health. I do not want to lose that momentum.

Day 19: Maintaining a Quit is Hard Work

A friend of mine quit around the same time as I did.  Actually, three others quit within the same week I think.  I did not realize that we all decided to quit - it was actually a coincidence.  One bit the dust about two weeks ago, the other a few days ago and then the last relapsed last night.  They were all using NRT's.

The last made mention that he was fine the first two weeks and then it started to get tougher.  He has gone through the same things I have been dealing with as far as relapse temptation. He said he will continue his quit tomorrow...Better luck next quit. There is nothing I can say to any of them to encourage recovery or a new quit. I am in too fragile of a place to offer much support.

Their relapse did give me some perspective on my own troubles.  How easy it is to lie to ourselves and start smoking again.  The seduction of addiction is an awful, awful feeling.  Picking up a cigarette is so easy.  So tempting.  It takes a lot of work to not do so.  Which is why I think I am struggling - I am focusing my energy on sources of stress and not smoking.  It is exhausting.

Crying - Good or Bad?
Today I really struggled again.  I cried a couple of times while trying to deal with my stress.  I wanted to blame the tears on smoking, but the tears were really a product of my stress.  My brain was telling me I was crying because I would not give into the craving.  I was really crying because I was allowing myself the energy to focus on my problems without the chemical help of nicotine.

I remember that during the times I used to smoke when I was upset it would stop me from crying.  I would never have to cry about things that upset me - for some reason smoking would stop this.  So now when something upsetting happens - the waterworks will not stop.  My addictive brain says I am crying because I am so upset because I can not allow myself a cigarette.  I know I said that already, but this is a new thought that I am trying to hash out.

Time to Refocus on my Quit Tools
My quit was starting to become easy.  Some of my blog posts were really short because I had some easy days.  I went lax on the crave bag, the stuff that I used during Hell Week.  I am going to pull that out again to help maintain my quit during these tough times.  Going back to the almonds, focusing on eating well, taking the walks and keeping my hands busy with my Knook.  I will also blog if I start crying again.  I need to catch that moment to really know what is going on.  I should also start reading the letter I wrote myself, these are the times that it will be most useful to me.

Day 18: Dealing with High Amounts of Stress without Smoking

As a smoker, I would automatically try to figure out my problems with numerous cigarettes and pots of coffee. I would smoke many cigarettes rehashing how to solve the problems of my life. It always seemed that those cigarettes helped me get through those times. The smoke breaks that I took gave me an excuse to stop cleaning, working and even parenting to think solely about my stress and try to find answers. Did this time really help me to solve my problems? Looking back, I really cannot remember if those problems were really solved with all of that brainstorming.

When trying to quit early on, I have to focus my complete energy on the quit, the cravings, my healing body and build my self esteem. When a stressful event happens that steals away my energy and focus, I am automatically reaching for a cigarette. Relapse danger is so close and so real, I feel that I have to double my efforts into not smoking.

What happens then to solving the source of my stress? Well without the cigarettes I am still trying to figure out an answer to my problems. I know that one of the smartest actions I can take is give my stress some time to settle in and allow me a little perspective on the whole problem in the first place. Smoking now at the height of an onset of stress is not going to help matters any. Smoking will add to the problems I already have.

Another motivation for not smoking is beating the trigger. I have read over and over that if a trigger is beaten and riding out a craving is successful than the next time that situation appears the craving is no longer there. This turns not smoking during these triggers into a challenge, and each trigger is a milestone. Got into an argument? Check. Mouthy teenager? Check. Stubbed my toe? Check.

I liken this to not wanting a cigarette in the morning anymore. I did not quit in the morning on Day 1.  I smoked in the morning because that was how important that morning cigarette was to me. Now I do not think of smoking in the morning at all. I beat that trigger, and it no longer is necessary to be able to start my day.

Day 17: Time Distortion

Wow.  The days really are flying by.  It is hard to believe that I have not ingested nicotine for 17 whole days.  Before all this the whole prospect of quitting smoking frightened me completely.  It has been hard for me to visualize having a good number of days under my feet.  I have been so busy living day to day and sometimes by the hour and of course three minute intervals that the fact that I have gone so long is very exciting.

Quitting smoking is a full time job.  We must always stay on top of our addictive minds, constantly reassuring ourselves, moving through cravings and getting through the day.  When I lay my head down at night and my chest doesn't burn, my hair still smells good and my fingers do not smell of smoke I feel the fruit of my labors.

I am still dealing with sinus problems and a sore throat.  I also have two canker sores that make it hurt to eat or talk.  Lastly, I am dealing with a terrible case of heartburn which I never have had before.  I am not coughing up phlegm or mucus very much.  It feels as if my body is rebelling against me.  Grrr.

Day 16: Body Adjustments to Nicotine Withdrawal

I wanted to remark that my dizziness has gone away.  I am not light headed at all - thank goodness.

My throat is really sore today and yesterday so not sure if it is from no smoking or if I am coming down with something.  I know I said that last week too.  I am hoping that this is my body cleaning itself out.  It is gratifying to know that it can do this.  I am doing my best to eat well, take vitamins and plenty of fluids still.

I am no longer exhausted.  I am neither full of energy.  I feel like I have evened out with the energy which is nice.  I am still drinking coffee in the afternoon, which is something I have always done.  This is a ten year habit.  I am thinking that needs to end soon.  The caffeine is not making me feel awake.  I am doing this for the warm cup, comfort factor so I wonder if I find a good flavored tea I could switch over.  I know a lot of tea has caffeine also but the coffee thing is bothering me.  It is a stimulant much like nicotine.

I am still walking.  Once again, always grateful to enjoy these sights in exchange for coffee and cigarettes on my deck.

Day 15: Nicotine Relapse is a Reality

No, I have not relapsed on my two week anniversary.  I want to talk about relapse because the possibility to do so is there.  In fact, I think as the days go by, the possibility for a relapse grows greater than the day before.  It is wonderful that I gain confidence and self esteem with each day that goes by, each craving that I accept and each time I walk away.  My addict mind can easily fool itself in thinking that I can have one cigarette, even a half of a cigarette - no make that one puff and then I will continue with my quit no problem.  My confidence will become my worst enemy.

Relapses begin because we forget the Law of Addiction.  I do not get to take credit for that fantastic name. I am taking this idea from www.whyquit.com, and if you have not visited this website I urge you to do so.  www.whyquit.com is my inspiration, my support group and my education for my cold turkey quit.

The Law of Addiction is a basic definition of the permanent change nicotine has created in my brain.  Nicotine addiction has created pathways in my brain that will never be erased.  It does not matter if I smoke now, 10 years from now or even 30 years from now - if I take a hit of nicotine even once I will go back to my old habit.  Relapse will guarantee failure.  Pretty scary?  Hell yes.

Our brains try to tell us the only normal is the nicotine high normal.  It takes about two weeks for the brain to start reconditioning itself to a new normal.  The brain still holds on to what the nicotine normal is and that is what constantly nags a recovering smoker.

So during those times of confidence, the times that my addict brain wants to bargain for what it used to know as normal I must remember the Law of Addiction.  I must remember that if I choose to smoke I am choosing to go back to my old consumption of a pack a day.  It is never just one.  Ever.