Day 14: Dealing with Anger without Nicotine

Personally, this morning sucked craving-wise. I got into a bad argument with my significant other, and it took quite the effort not to smoke. I took deep breaths, talked to myself about what it would mean to smoke, how it would not change my situation, how it would only make me feel bad and how I would end my quit, end my blog and lose the good momentum that I have been maintaining. I accepted the craving feelings for what they were and rode out the panic of it all. It sucked, and it felt good to finish it without smoking and get on with my day. I did not pick up that cigarette and puff out my problems.


This leads me to wonder about a section I am reading in Yes! You Can Stop Smoking by David C. Jones. He speaks of how whenever a smoker gets ticked they immediately reach for a cigarette. Now we know that when we take that first puff the nicotine reaches our brain within 7 seconds and proceed to stimulate our senses of safety, warm-fuzzy feel good chemicals such as dopamine and basically artificially make us feel okay. So what Jones says is that instead of facing the problem that has made us angry in the first place, we smoke instead.


Now in one way I can buy into this, that yes our brain is artificially being stimulated by nicotine. I feel calmer, more thoughtful and at ease with my situation. I am not going to smoke that cigarette and the problem goes away though. We still deal with the problem, hopefully. What Jones states is that when we quit, all of the anger we suppress while smoking comes out. I don't know this seems like a little over-thinking of the situation. It is almost saying that smokers can't deal with their issues.  Puffing away on a cancer stick is not going to make the problem go away. But that doesn't mean smokers aren't smart enough to solve their anger issues. This guy is not a doctor, though he is a director of a stop smoking program.


I do think that when a smoker goes to smoke a cigarette after experiencing a stressful situation, they are breaking themselves from the situation. They are separating themselves from the situation and are allowing themselves time to rationalize what is happening. Recovering smokers face this anger head on, can't escape it because escaping means smoking. We have to figure out how to take that time out without smoking. We have to figure this out while facing strong cravings because of stress. This rises our stress levels and makes us even more angry. Without proper tools and education in dealing with stressful situations, we are doomed to smoke because we do not know how to do this without a cigarette in our hand.

Day 13: Bad Day

Ugh.  I have a migraine.  Combination of not being able to deal with family stress and craving.  Didn't smoke but my head hurts.  I am going to sleep so it goes away.  Sorry for no insightful thoughts and ruminations.  Tomorrow.  Bleh.

Day 12: Learning About Stages of Addiction and Recovery

I found a book to help me along in my recovery process.  It is called: Yes! You Can Stop Smoking - Even if You Don't Want To - Recover from Nicotine Addiction.  This book is by David C. Jones.
So far I am pretty impressed with this book because it is educating me about the nature of addiction - specifically nicotine addiction.  Right up my alley.

Right from the start Jones dives in about the stages of recovery - basically what the mind goes through while quitting smoking.  He is pretty on target of what I have been feeling mind-wise.  It is easy to find information about what happens to our bodies - but our minds are a whole different manner.

So the first stage he identifies is the Fear stage.  From what I get, this is the early stage of the quit and lasts from the time we identify that we need to quit smoking to about two weeks in.  This is what keeps us from taking the initial dive into a quit and keeps us smoking, giving up within two weeks and keeps us from staying quit.  Remember when I spoke of how I was worrying about craves I didn't even have yet, the future cravings? That is a prime example of the Fear stage.

The Fear stage has a whole grocery list of fears that try to trick us into giving up on the quit or not even trying in the first place.  The fear of pretty much anything: success, failure, withdrawal process, anxiety etc. Jones' solution to the stage is to talk about these feelings with a trusted confidant and accepting the feelings for what they are to take away their power.

I can defiantly say I am still in this stage and I can say it does take a lot of work to beat the fears that come along with a quit.

The second stage is the Adjustment stage, and can last a few months to a year.  This is the withdrawal process that we all feel.  Physical and mental challenges our bodies and brains that leave us feeling a whole spectrum of emotions and ailments.  We learn how to do day to day activities without cigarettes.  Our bodies are clearing out the poisons and healing themselves.

The adjustment stage might have the highest probability of relapse because of the gain in confidence.  This false sense of security can make us feel like we can handle just one cigarette.  Withdrawals and cravings become severe in thirty day intervals that can blindside someone in recovery.  Emotions can be extremely vivid during this stage and the inability to deal can cause a relapse.

The best part about the adjustment stage is that I will start to gain self esteem and gratitude for my quit.  The biggest help for this stage is having a good support group, good friends and keeping a daily journal (Yay for me!)

Now I think the adjustment stage starts at day 1 as we struggle to learn how to live a non-smoking life, struggle with withdrawals and celebrate each day we stay smoke free.

The next two stages, Anger and Growth, work together and last up to eighteen months of a quit.  There are some main points about anger and growth that really scare me.   If I do not handle my emotional issues correctly I will smoke again.  This is what happens and every smoker knows it, they have done it.  We get upset, stressed or angry.  What do we do - grab a cigarette.  When do we really resolve HOW we got upset, stressed or angry in the first place?  How do we resolve our emotions without smoking?  How do we take that time to cool off and deal with our feelings without the mental break a cigarette provided us?
So these past issues are going to pop up and we have to learn how to deal with this emotional pain, take responsibility for them and then choose not to smoke as an immediate solution to these problems.  (That is the Growth)  This is really stressful for me.  But on the other hand this emotional growth is an exciting adventure to become a better person.

The last stage of addiction is the Maintenance Stage.  This is the rest of our lives.  Jones speaks of having healthy coping skills, spirituality, short and long term goals and non-smoking friends.  He kind of describes a non-smoking utopia.  Since I am not here yet, I am willing to be extremely judgmental and probably misunderstand what he is trying to say.  I know many smokers who have these attributes.  It almost sounds like he is ball-busting the smokers and making people who do not smoke into saints.  A little to high nosed for me.  But they always say that former smokers are the worst critics against critics so who knows how I will feel when I am actually here, right?

Jones gives a two year goal and he says, "it takes two years to make a complete transition from a smoker who is not smoking to a non-smoker who feels like a non-smoker."  Two years to change twenty-four years of an addiction - yeah I like those odds.

Day 11: A Quiet Nicotine Free Day

Another quiet day.  I think now the part of this quit is learning to live a new life.  What life can it be?  I believe this is what I will be pondering in the upcoming week.  Exercise?  Eat better?  What am I going to do with this time?  This body?  The new sensations that I have forgotten like smell and taste?

Body-wise the dizziness is almost gone.  Sometimes I will get a small bout but nothing remarkably serious.  My nose and sinuses still get plugged on occasion along with a sore throat.

I am still drinking water, taking vitamins, drinking green tea - though I do get lazy.  It is strange to have to be an active participant in my health.  As a smoker I think I had the attitude of what will be will be.  So sad and strange that I want to change all of this.  What an amazing transformation.

Day 10: Where is my Motivation?

Once again another quiet day.  I had a very hard time with motivation today.  I is like I can not find how to do the things I love to do now.  I am going to have to find a way to structure my days until I can get a feeling of this new life.  I hope this demotivation will pass quickly.  I do not like this feeling.
Another part of it is that I am extremely tired.  It is very hard for me to move when my body feels so sluggish.  It looks like I have a lot of work to do - to do lists, schedule.  I can not keep doing nothing, that is the easy way out.  How depressing.

Day 9: Missing My Old Routine

I felt like something was missing today.  Every time I finished with a task, I felt like I should be going outside to sit like I used to.  I was afraid to go out to just enjoy the sunshine.  It would feel like letting the devil in my doorway.  So the question is this.  How do I learn to relive my life?  There is no guidance, no how-to book and no one can tell me how to rebuild my non-smoking life except for me.  Smoking is how I have lived ever since I was a teenager and now I am rebuilding a new non-smoking me.
So I start from the ground up and learn to relive my life. I have to learn what true rewards are.  I build without chemicals to fog up what is real and feels real. That is something new to me.
Even though nicotine does not fog the brain the way drugs or alcohol would, I believe it really messes with how I thought and enjoyed life.  How does such a chemical make someone so dependent when there are no physical feel good effects?  How do people continue?  How do we get trapped with this chemical when we don't even get a high?

Day 8: Beating the Nicotine Cravings

A lesson in craving today.  I knew that I was going to come upon a stressful event later on in the day.  This brought upon a cluster of cravings that lasted for a little while.  I told myself that smoking is not going to make this event any less stressful.  In fact, if I smoked I would probably be more stressed out because I would be really disappointed in myself.  I talked myself through to the event, kept delaying.  When the appointment actually happened it all turned out to be good.  There was nothing to stress over in the first place.  I felt so good to have conquered a part of the old addictive me and my old ways.  I have been trying so hard to become healthier and more conscious of my body.  Instead of giving into every little whim that my addictive brain demands I am trying to make conscious decisions about my health.  It feels good.  It is hard work and defiantly not the easy road.  The reward at the end of the day is worth the effort.

I am still walking every day and enjoying every minute of it.  These morning walks really do feed the soul.  Two pictures I was able to get today really embody what a reward not smoking is.  My smoking self would have been home - smoking and drinking coffee.  I would have missed this moment.

Day 7: Dealing with Stress and Nicotine Cravings

Stress is the name of the game today, but I tried not to let myself get so upset that I would feel that a cigarette is my only answer.  Quitting smoking is a bunch of mind games, all day long, that you play to yourself.  You have to trick your brain into getting through each day, each hour, each three minutes.

Craving for Future Nicotine??

I think this is why a lot of people succumb and start smoking again.  They stop playing the mind games and the addict starts to take over again.  The best example I can think of is thinking about quitting smoking for the rest of my life is terrifying. If I start to think about next week, next month, six months I will start to feel physical symptoms of a panic attack and then the craving starts.  I start craving for the cigarette I should be smoking next week.  I hope a fellow addict will understand that. That craving in seven days, seven months or seven years puts me in a panic more so than any present cravings I have.  So I play a mind game when I begin to think about my non-smoking self.  I say, "you know that there is no point in worrying about next week, next month or the next six months.  You are worrying about right now.  There is nothing to worry about right now because"  That is much easier.  Shut off the panic button and be done.  It usually works.

I hope that someday when I start thinking of my future non-smoking self I will not panic.  When that day comes I will know that I am beginning to beat the addiction.

The Craving Bag

I also want to share a picture of my craving bag.  It has been very helpful during this week.  I highly suggest such a tool to get you through.  Some things I use more than others.  For instance, I have not needed my journal because I have the computer close by.  I keep forgetting to mark down my cravings, so the sharpie is not necessary - but I  think it is a good idea still.  Maybe I should carry it in my pocket.  I have been knitting - which has been a great tool.  The almonds have been a great salt munchie and I counteract with sweet trail mix (the kids love the trail mix so need to buy more) I took the picture with my Iphone - but I do use that for distraction a lot.  The Altoids have been great, I use them while walking and driving.  I keep everything in the beige bag on the left.

Day 6: Nicotine Withdrawal feels Like Hunger

Another ho hum day with no crazy cravings.  I had very low motivation and energy though.  Still getting bouts of dizziness, especially if I sit too long.  Isn't that strange?  Mild stress today did not trigger me to smoke, which was nice.  It feels like now, instead of the BIG NASTY craves, I am riding smaller crave waves that are easier to manage.  Almost like a constant thought in the back of my mind.  Kind of like you smell apple pie at the grocery store and then think about that apple pie all day long.  It pops in and reminds you that you wanted a piece but then you get distracted for a bit before it pops in again.  I am making good use of my craving bag for the most part, though today I didn't need it for much.
I am knitting to keep my hands busy.  Well, it is called knooking.  which is a combination knit and crochet.  Pretty fun and the swatch is coming out nicely.  I just wish I could get my full motivation and concentration back.  I feel kind of like a bum.  I am getting distracted very easy.

Day 5: Nicotine Withdrawal takes Energy

Today was another easy day with no notable cravings.  The cravings that I did have were small and easily brushed away. I disappeared into a book for the morning.  Still very dizzy and the energy is pretty low.  The craving bag is definitely a wonderful tool to reach for when a cigarette is on the mind.

I still have a sore throat.  My sinuses aren't acting up the way they did yesterday so I defiantly think it is quit related.  I am going to try and start blogging quit smoking topics so the blog isn't the same thing every day so watch for new stuff.  I will still give an update every day for the first month at least.

Day 4: A Day of Relief

Well I am really glad I resisted my horrifying cravings yesterday to make it to today.  It was an easy day.  No clusters, no huge earth shattering craves that paralyzed me.

I was in a huge trigger moment today.  I and my friend would always go and get coffee, go to a park and rehash our lives.  We sat in the park, drank our coffee (green tea for me), and she smoked.  I actually felt like I should be walking instead of just sitting there.  I enjoyed myself, we hadn't reconnected in quite awhile.  The need I felt really was nothing, like a fly I had to keep brushing away.

I am finding out that my afternoon coffee and smoke break had a bigger impact on my life than I thought.  It does trigger me about as much as the morning time.  I am finding that if I do struggle or need to be prepared, it is in the morning and the afternoon.  I am hoping that now that my body has fully purged the nicotine it will get easier and I can start learning to live without cigarettes.  I am also finding that I only drink one cup of coffee in the morning and one in the afternoon.  When I smoke I would drink a pot in the afternoon and a pot in the morning.  If I did not, I had no energy to function throughout my day.

Energy levels, with the exception of yesterday, are pretty good.  I feel a little tired in the afternoon, but not enough to want to nap.  In comparison, when I smoke I am ready to sleep by 10 am.  My brain feels a little foggy and I am having trouble concentrating on anything for longer than 30 minutes.  I am getting ADD jokes from the family.  I am getting dizzy pretty often which is kind of strange and if that continues I may give the doc a call.

I am hoping the fogginess, dizziness and ADD is all the oxygen flooding my brain.  I am hoping that my brain is not used to oxygen rich blood and has to regulate itself a little bit.  Purging my body of carbon monoxide and all of those poisons will have some effects I have to feel.  My sinuses are clogged up and my throat is also beginning to get sore.  Not sure if this is purging, or I am getting sick.

Speaking of purging poisons, my mind is returning over and over to many different detox and health programs to support how my body heals from the cigarette toxins.  I figure I have subjected my body to these poisons for over twenty years, I really need to do everything I can to clean up the mess.  I have been researching different detox programs to decide how I want to go about cleaning house.  To me the detox actually feels like a reward.

I am walking or exercising in one way or another to start my change in lifestyle, contribute to my heart and lung health, and up those dopamine levels.  I can tell you that reconnecting with nature every morning is damn good for the soul.  Just what I need to reward myself for hard work.  Speaking of rewards, birchbox.com may be something I am going to look into as a reward for quitting.  I figure I will order from them on my one month anniversary.

Day 3: Craving Paralyzed Me

Today was awful.  I was drained completely of all motivation, energy and tears.  Goodness.  I still walked in the morning, drank tea.  I just felt paralyzed.  Tomorrow better get better.  This day is what smokers dread when they are ready to quit.

The Hunger and the Tears

Today has been horrifying.  I do not know how I have made it this far without smoking.  It is like I get a craving and short break.  Very short.  Before I am catching my breath from one it is hitting me with another.  I have been knocked to my knees with a hunger and all I can do is lay on the couch and let it wash over me.  I don't dare go outside.  I don't talk to anyone.  I am also feeling depression, crying.  I just want to curl up and go away.  I do not know what is keeping me going.  I do not know how I am holding on.  I surely know it is not sanity.  Even though there is no physical pain I can describe it feels as if my body and brain is reacting to a physical pain.  This day.  This is the day all smokers fear.
This to shall pass.  Please do not let me succumb.

2 days 6 hours 3 minutes

Day 2: Focusing on How My Body Reacts to Withdrawal

The morning has been easy so far.  Green tea and lemon.  My craving bag by my side and upping my dopamine levels by going for a walk in the Garden of the Gods.  I really did not keep track of my cravings today.  I do think it is important to keep track of them though.  Looking back on the day it felt like I was craving all day - but I know this to not be true.

I do feel that nicotine cravings are more challenging if you get back to back groups.  It feels like you do not get as much of a break.  They are almost like cluster headaches - cluster craves.

I changed the name of the blog to Three Minutes to Freedom.  It is because that is all we have to get through.  Three minutes is all a craving lasts.  Don't believe me?  Time it.  And then we can move on with our life again nicotine free.  Kind of like riding a bull.

Nasty Craving for Nicotine

Grrrr.....it is amazing how when people act normally you realize they can be way to abrasive for your delicate mental state to handle.  And they have no idea what they are doing to you.  Do they?  And you are barely holding on to your own anger, trying to make things easy for them so you don't destroy them with temporary words and all you really want to do is go get the baseball bat.
I actually envisioned how the cig would sound sliding out of the pack.  I knew it would make me feel awful.  I didn't do it.  Pulled up the blog instead.

1 day 5 hours 0 minutes

First Notable Nicotine Craving

I did not have to write through any cravings today.  I was actually able to breath them out for the most part.  I was busy reading anti-smoking sites throughout the day so this also helped to tamp those cravings down to a minimum.  My toughest one was when I was on my way home at the end of the day.  I was ready for a cup of coffee and a smoke on my deck.  I breathed, thought about what I was doing and told myself it will be over before I even get home.  It was.

Day 1: Focus on the First Day of a Cold Turkey Quit

After 20 minutes (8:50 a.m.) my blood pressure and pulse is supposed to drop back down to normal.  My hand and feet temperature returns to normal.
After 8 hours (5:30 p.m.) my carbon monoxide and oxygen levels return to normal.

So far today was not bad at all.  On the drive home, I did have a nerve wracking crave that was gone before I walked in the front door.

I have 6 tally marks on my arm.  So it is very true that the brain does not want to remember unpleasant things.  I agree.  I can not remember why I felt it noteworthy to notate those craves, but they were there.

Will add to post if anything else happens tonight.

What I did to Prepare for Quitting Nicotine

The Pregame Preparations

I put together a craving bag, which has almonds, a journal, a box of green tea, crochet needles and yarn, Altoids and a Sharpie marker.  I will add to my bag of tricks as I go along.  I am carrying this bag with me everywhere to help me with the cravings.

I bought some detox foods to make me feel good about taking care of my body.  Green tea, lemons, juice, apples, almonds etc. etc.

Until the cravings aren't as big of a deal, I am going to mark a tally mark on my arm for each craving so I have a physical reminder of how much I am accomplishing.

I did not choose a quit date - as those cause me more stress instead of hype me up.

Mornings are my most challenging.  I started my quit after my morning routine, so I have a few cravings under my belt for motivation the next morning. Not a great way to start out the day but it works for me.

We will see how this works.