Month Three of No Smoking - Fight or Flight

Here I am sitting on my three month anniversary.  I feel pretty accomplished, but I have a secret.  The last week has been a ginormous challenge.  At one point I had a cigarette and lighter in my hand.  I held it there for about an hour, but did not light it.  Eventually I returned it to the loaner, and told them thanks for getting me through.  I have felt like teetering on the edge for about a week now.  I am hanging on by my fingertips, and celebrate that I am still hanging on.

Distraction and acceptance are still the best craving killers for me on a day to day basis.  The pride in my three month long accomplishment is not enough to beat my addictive brain.  Then again, when I was holding that cigarette last week all I could think of was what I would be throwing away, and what I would have to do to start all over again.  I also know very well that the cig I was holding certainly wouldn't make me feel as good as I would want it to.  Either way - holding it in my hand and then turning away from it felt pretty damn good.

I also have to say that I know I have gained some weight.  I don't know how much because I don't own a scale, but my pants are tighter than normal.  I am accepting this and have begun attending a yoga class which is my reward for being able to breathe like a normal person.  No bikini this year!  At least until I am brave enough to join the Pilates class.

With the exception of this past week, I no longer am so focused on not smoking.  My routines, thoughts and feelings are no longer attached to nicotine.  I do not think of cigarettes unless I smell them, and then I think about how much they stink.  This has been a great relief to me.  I remember reading that a lot of people face a challenge on their three month anniversary.  So I am going to get through this - give it a week - and then reassess my situation.  I do not want to start smoking again.  It is just hard because your brain gives you the same uncomfortable feeling as if you were in pain.  Fight or flight.  So I'm still fighting.

3 months 0 days 8 hours and 5 minutes
I have not smoked 1,369 cigarettes and saved $342.36

Month 2 of Quitting Cigarettes Cold Turkey

• February 20, 2012: 1 month; 2 days; 4 hours; 51 minutes.  I have saved $124.51 and have beat 498 cigarettes.
• When I used to smoke I would take my break outside.  I would sit on my deck and think of what I get to do to my garden.  I would look at my plants (or in the winter where my plants will be) and think about how much peace they give me.  For the first time in a little over a month I sat outside and took a break.  I still looked at my plants.  I thought about how I used to smoke, how I would hate myself while smoking.  I did not think about how much I missed the nicotine.  I am starting to think of it in that way.  Not that I missed smoking. I hated smoking.  I hated the way my lips looked while sucking on the filter.  I hated the way smoke looked around my face.  I hated the smell on my fingers, hair and clothes.  But oh that nicotine rush is what I miss.  But now I find my happiness in different ways.  Today I breathed deep and thought how nice it was to have energy today.  I smelled the soggy leaves and felt the warm sun.  I am grateful for not constantly depending on nicotine to allow me to be happy about these things.
• February 21, 2012: 1 month; 3 days; 3 hours 0 minutes.  I have saved $127.97 and have beat 512 cigarettes. 
• Quick note that today is the first time I was face to face with a cigarette.  I went over to visit with my neighbor, who is a 2 pack a day smoker, and he offered me a cigarette.  I turned him down of course, but spent an hour or so with him and three smoked cigarettes.  He buys loose tobacco because it is cheaper.  Ugh.  I can still smell it on me.  I have not showered yet, but oh my gosh.  I know I used to smell like this and it never bothered me.  It smells like I am wearing cheap, nasty perfume that does not fade.  I can not get used to it.  I absolutely did not want a cigarette.  In fact, being in that room with no ventilation I felt like I was in a gas chamber.  How did I inhale that for so long?  Geez.  To see this from the other side is a whole new experience.  Like I stated before, I have to say I am addicted to nicotine because I could never inhale smoke again.
• March 1, 2012: 1 month; 12 days; 12 hours; 0 minutes.  I have saved $163.13 and have beat 653 cigarettes.  
• So it seems like I have a new recurrence of my body detoxing itself.  I am low on energy, high on stuffy nose, sore throat and coughing up phlegm.  I even have cold sores. I do not have a "cold" so I am thinking this is still detoxification. So this kind of sucks.  My vitamin taking inspired my daughters to take vitamins so I ran out.  Wondering if that may have to do with it also.  Who knows.  I will do some research.  
• Cravings are minimum - though present.  More than anything it is like remembering a past even in my life.  I acknowledge the craving for what it is and move on with my life.  It feels pretty darn good to live my life smoke free.  I have only really let a handful of people know that I am not smoking.  

New benefits: overall energy typically increases and symptoms like coughing, nasal congestion, fatigue, and shortness of breath diminish.  Also the small hairlike projections lining your lower airways begin to function normally.  This increases your lungs' ability to handle mucus, clean the airways and reduce infections.

Two Month Anniversary

Today is my two months no smoking.  Complete cold turkey from all sources of nicotine for 60 days.  No gum, patch, prescription, lozenge or e-cigarette.  I didn't wean myself down, change to a lighter cigarette, or a heavier one.  I didn't sneak one during stressful times, give myself excuses or dig through an ashtray.  I accepted my cravings for what they were, rode them out, and talked myself through.

I think about cigarettes every day.  Sometimes I think about how grateful I am to not smoke.  I love that I don't smell like cigarettes.  I think about my health a lot, and hope and pray I didn't do too much lasting damage.

I think about smoking a lot.  I miss inhaling smoke.  I miss holding a cigarette in between my fingers.  I miss the routine of it.  What the hell?

I look at those things like a memory of an old, toxic friend.  You know one of them?  They made you feel like shit and you still continued to stay friends.  You lost touch with them until you get a friend request on Facebook and you accept?  Yeah.  Cigarettes.  I just have to remember to stay away.  All the way.  Not a single puff.

Day 42: More Detoxification from Nicotine

• So it seems like I have a new recurrence of my body detoxing itself.  I am low on energy, high on stuffy nose, sore throat and coughing up phlegm.  I even have cold sores. I do not have a "cold" so I am thinking this is still detoxification. So this kind of sucks.  My vitamin taking inspired my daughters to take vitamins so I ran out.  Wondering if that may have to do with it also.  Who knows.  I will do some research.  
• I do want to mention that during my first month of cigarettes I barely coughed.  My smoker's cough disappeared but I did not cough up anything gross either.  I was expecting this because of what I have read - that the lungs try to purge themselves of nastiness.  So I am thinking that they are doing this now.
• Cravings are minimum - though present.  More than anything it is like remembering a past event in my life.  I acknowledge the craving for what it is and move on with my life.  It feels pretty darn good to live my life smoke free.  I have only really let a handful of people know that I am not smoking. 

Support is Vital to the Quit

I think that it is really important for people to let their family know that they plan on quitting cigarettes.  In the past my addiction was so terrible that the shame of telling them I relapsed was not enough to keep me from picking up a cigarette.  I wouldn't tell them right away though.  I would smoke, hide it for awhile, get annoyed with the inconvenience of closet smoking and then finally give in and let them know I relapsed.  I never thought to call them before I smoked that cigarette. 


One thing I can say is that if you do want to start smoking again and you take the time to call the people you love and let them know before you pick up that cigarette it may be a last chance to defer from giving in to a craving.  By talking to these people - it gets me through the craving, reminds me of how much I am loved and reaffirms why I am quitting because they are going to tell me.  They are the support group.


Around my month anniversary I hit a pretty big roadblock that, of course, caused me to want to smoke pretty bad.  - I had on my shoes, my car keys were in hand and I had talked myself into smoking.  I was in despair because I had given up. - I just happened to be talking to my husband at this time.  It was like he was talking a suicide jumper off the ledge.  It worked - he reminded me of all the reasons why I did not want to go buy those cigarettes.  


I think that it is necessary to choose the right type of people to support you through the quit.  They have to be positive, they have to understand addiction to nicotine and they have to have an unending supply of patience.  If you are lucky enough to have even one person like this to call during your quit - then share with them your quit experience.  Their input will be invaluable.  I hope someday I can return the favor.


NOT A SINGLE BIT OF NICOTINE - YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT - RESIGNING TO JUST ONE IS RESIGNING TO START SMOKING AGAIN - THIS KEEPS ME GOING.

Knowing My Nicotine Triggers

So I made this list at the beginning of my quit.  My goal was to avoid these triggers so that I did not have to suffer through unnecessary cravings.  


Coffee

Alcohol

Stress

Driving

Rewards: terms of new rewards - book read time, craft time, think different ways to break from daily routines.

A new routine.


Now I am into my second month of quitting and I have to smile about thinking I had to avoid such things.  I am not a big drinker, so I have yet to achieve that hurdle.  As the weather gets warmer I will face more social challenges.


I think the best thing about facing a trigger is that you grow stronger each time you choose not to smoke.  Every step you make strengthens your quit resolve and the trigger looses its power. 


I drive without thinking about cigarettes, even in stressful rush hour traffic.  I make it through stressful situations (I have two teenage daughters) with a passing thought of a cigarette that disappears quickly. I enjoy my coffee every day, and I no longer wish to pair it with a cigarette.


What I have learned that is very important for every beginning quitter to know is that triggers loose their power very quickly.


I think that whenever I thought about quitting I feared facing these triggers over and over again for weeks, months and years.  I do not have to face those triggers repeatedly and they do not cause me cravings.  Triggers loose their power quickly.  


This is not to say I will not face cravings.  I know I must stay vigilant against possible triggers that will sneak up on me.  I just want to express my relief that triggers loose power once they are confronted.  This empowerment is what keeps me finish each day nicotine free.

Day 33: First Contact with a Cigarette in a Closed Room

Quick note that today is the first time I was face to face with a cigarette.  I went over to visit with my neighbor, who is a 2 pack a day smoker, and he offered me a cigarette.  I turned him down of course, but spent an hour or so with him and three smoked cigarettes.  He buys loose tobacco because it is cheaper.  Ugh.  I can still smell it on me.  I have not showered yet, but oh my gosh.  I know I used to smell like this and it never bothered me.  It smells like I am wearing cheap, nasty perfume that does not fade.  I can not get used to it.  I absolutely did not want a cigarette.  In fact, being in that room with no ventilation I felt like I was in a gas chamber.  How did I inhale that for so long?  Geez.  To see this from the other side is a whole new experience.  Like I stated before, I have to say I am addicted to nicotine because I could never inhale smoke again.

Day 32: Learning that Nicotine is What I Crave, Not Cigarettes

When I used to smoke I would take my break outside.  I would sit on my deck and think of what I get to do to my garden.  I would look at my plants (or in the winter where my plants will be) and think about how much peace they give me.  For the first time in a little over a month I sat outside and took a break.  I still looked at my plants.  I thought about how I used to smoke, how I would hate myself while smoking.  I did not think about how much I missed the nicotine.  I am starting to think of it in that way.  Not that I missed smoking. I hated smoking.  I hated the way my lips looked while sucking on the filter.  I hated the way smoke looked around my face.  I hated the smell on my fingers, hair and clothes.  But oh that nicotine rush is what I miss.  But now I find my happiness in different ways.  Today I breathed deep and thought how nice it was to have energy today.  I smelled the soggy leaves and felt the warm sun.  I am grateful for not constantly depending on nicotine to allow me to be happy about these things.

Day 30: A Month Passes Quickly

I am on my 30th day.  When I wake tomorrow morning I will have completed these 30 days.  I have not forgotten some of the more challenging days.  Specifically the day I lay on the couch and cried all day long.   I go through my month of writings and think of all I have accomplished.  The challenging days always seemed to be rewarded, which gives me hope.  I hope my family reads this and thinks about their own quit. I hope they see that if I can do this they can too.  I want to see them succeed.

Posting on this blog has saved me many a times, and I will continue often.  I want to focus my energy on more education.  I want to empower myself and others with positive thinking and healthy attitudes.  I have laid a 30 day foundation.  By no way am I done or safe from a relapse so I will continue to share my journey.  I hope others will follow along.

So much has changed over this month.  I love the new me.  I love not thinking of smoking in the morning.   All of the advantages I have gained make me crave a non-smoking day as much as I used to crave a cigarette.  I want that for all of the people I love.  I want them to take this same journey.

Day 29: Positive Attitude is a Key to No Nicotine

We always hear about how well positive reinforcement works for many different situations.  When we try to teach a new concept, positive reinforcement is usually the best advice possible.  The same attitude is important for quitting smoking.  As a smoker who thinks about quitting we often view what we are giving up instead of think about what we might be gaining.  I think this is because we really do not know what we gain until we experience it.  Smokers do not know what to expect out of a life of not smoking, so how can we reinforce our quit?  Kind of hard to do so.

Many advice websites focus on the bad effects of cigarettes, and those things are very true.  Cigarettes cause ugly, nasty side effects and most smokers can recite all of those effects by heart.  A smoker obsesses over what cigarettes do to her body every time they light a smoke.  Every hitch in breath and pain makes her wonder if cigarettes have finally made irreparable damage.  Educating oneself about how disgusting cigarettes are and what they do to our body is very important, but not enough to get people to quit.  Maybe for a week or two, but fear does not usually sustain a quit.

What comes next?  How can positive reinforcement help our quit become successful?  This is what I do.

• I am always smelling my hair, clothes and fingers.  The behavior is a little strange, but has gotten me through more than a couple of cravings.  For some reason when I smell the clean scent of my own non-smoking being, it completely reinforces what I am doing.
• My sense of smell and taste were greatly affected when I smoked.  I could bury my nose in a bouquet of roses and not smell them.  Now, whenever I taste or smell anything I remind myself of how wonderful the experience is.  I do not want to lose it, and therefore I make sure I never take advantage of how glorious a lemon drop really tastes.
• I read.  I read about other people's quits.  I read forums, blogs and books.  I read about addiction and habits.  I read to educate myself and to laugh.  I have my favorite websites that I visit every day.  I read positive information about making health, life and love better.
• I think about the experiences that open up for me every day.  The walks and hikes that fulfill my soul and my body.  The extra time for myself and my family.  My ability to think clearly is indescribable and positive.  
• I focus on my health now.  I think about what I eat, drink and how active I am.  I take vitamins every day.  I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.
• When I smoked I was really hard on myself.  I hated myself everyday.  I did not think good of myself as a woman or a mother.  I put myself down for various reasons.  I do not do this now.  I am proud of myself now.  I feel good for what I have done.  I feel good as a mother.  I feel strong and capable.  I feel like I have a spine for standing up against my cravings instead of giving in to them.  

Day 28: The Day in the Life of a Non-Smoker

I feel like I need to keep updating how I am feeling because when I was still smoking I was most curious about what would happen to me.  This is the main reason why I want to share this blog with other smokers. We are so afraid of going through the unknown.  As a smoker, it is scary to not know what life is like without cigarettes.  That used to be my biggest fear.

• How do I start my day without cigarettes and coffee?  
• Well I still start my day with coffee.  Strangely enough I stopped missing this routine quickly into my quit.  Now I sleep in a little later than normal, and I still enjoy my morning coffee.  I do miss sitting outside in the morning, but I think by the time spring is here I will be able to do so without triggering a craving.

• How do I reward myself for a job well done (cleaning, writing, working, cooking, projects)?  
• I have found that I do not need a reward/break in between each and every task that I complete.  This is really only an aspect of the nicotine addiction.  What was really happening was my body withdrawing in between tasks.  Now that I do not have that physical withdrawal every 1/2 hour, I do not "need" a reward.

• Talk to my mom or gram on the phone?
• This one is tough for me because the association with talking to them and smoking goes back decades.  Literally since I was a teenager.  Big time trigger.  I actually have not talked to them as much as I usually do, which is sad and I miss them.  I know once I get through the first long conversation my brain will rewire itself.

• Drive long distances?  
• Long distance driving is about the boredom.  Funny enough I do talk on the phone occasionally and that helps.  Have you ever tried to smoke, drive and talk?  It is challenging.  So I have gotten an occasional call to Gram on my long drives.  I have a harder time with the stress levels of driving in rush hour traffic to cause triggers more than anything.

• What do I do after I finish eating?
• Once again, I no longer need to satisfy a nicotine withdrawal.  I really think that is why a cigarette seems so satisfying after a dinner.  The social activity + not smoking for a period of time automatically makes the after eating cigarette much more satisfying.  Those nicotine receptors are empty and begging to be filled.

• Will I enjoy my afternoon coffee?
• The only answer I need for this question is this: 

• When I get angry, upset, sad, happy or bored?
• Dealing with the wide range of emotions has been quite an adventure.  I have found that I can think clearly because I am not blaming my feelings on withdrawal.  I am able to hash out my real feelings and try to decide how I want to deal with them.  Not smoking during this time has been a challenge, but it has also been eye opening.  I have realized that I did not even know the real me.
• How to end my day without smoking before bed?
• I write this blog to end my day, and I have to say that I really enjoy writing here.  I enjoy thinking about my day, and sharing it with others.  I fall asleep with a full breathe in my lungs and a clean mouth and teeth.  My fingers and hair do not smell and I feel good about myself and my body.  Instead of falling asleep wondering how fast I am killing myself, I fall asleep thinking of what a good thing I did today, not smoking.

Day 27: Keeping Up the Momentum

So I find it interesting that I feel as if I have lost my good health vibe.  I do not know if I am just in a slump, and how do I get out of this lazy behavior?  It really takes a lot of hard work to change your life, health and habits.  Day to day activities and stresses can easily pop up and get in the way.  It is necessary to constantly stay vigilant about what to eat, where to exercise and stay on guard against cravings.  These are some of my goals during this week.

• I need to keep up with exercising even when it is cold.  I use the cold as an excuse not to get out and walk.  I could very easily exercise at home, and the girls want me to get a membership at the gym.
• I really have to cut down on the coffee.  I have not slowed my consumption down.  I am still drinking too much in the afternoon.  I have green tea and fresh lemons.  
• I have lost interest in feel good foods and I am reaching for the cookies way too often.  I need to make sure I am eating the correct stuff. 

I do want to say that one of the reasons I am slacking is because I have not had to distract myself away from cravings.  Very seldom do I feel the need to smoke.  When I do think about smoking, I see the old habit as a hole in my being.  I have gotten lazy filling this hole with positive behaviors and reinforcement so that I do not want to fill it with smoke.  An example was taking the kids for an outing yesterday.  I need day to day habits to help me feel fulfilled in addition to the special treats.

Am I being to hard on myself?  I do not think so.  I think I must stay vigilant so that relapse is not possible. I never, ever want to take another puff.  Ever.

Day 26: The Benefits of Not Smoking

Instead of spending my afternoon smoking and drinking coffee on my deck, I took my daughters to the 2012 Cripple Creek Ice Festival.

Who would choose smoking over this memory?

We had a great time.  They loved how the ice flew away from the chainsaw in arcs of snow.  

This sculpture was about 12 feet tall.  A very moving tribute.

A lot of the sculptures are sturdy enough for the kids to climb on.

They use a clothes iron to make the ice so crystal clear.  Most of the sculptures were not finished yet.

Each block weighs about 350 pounds. 

 Visitors to the festival were able to have names of their fallen soldiers added to the wall. 

Day 25: Dealing with Anger and Irritability During a Quit

Angry like a Steaming Kettle
I want to say that I was really worried about always being angry, upset and sad.  It seemed as if I would never be happy again.  I felt that I would always have anger issues because I had ruined how my brain handles stress.  During the beginnings of a quit the only thing I could do was distract myself from what I was angry about.  I had to tell myself that I am not really this angry about my situation, and that only my brain is not ready to handle the problem at hand.  Usually this tactic worked.  I did not want to succumb to my anger - I held down a lot of feelings.  Some still leaked through.

A Little Farther into the Quit
Now I know that I am more in tune with my feelings than ever before.  I do not have as many uncontrollable surges of anger.  Now I know I can not blame my angry or irrational feelings on nicotine relapse.  Now I have to face those feelings and reactions.  I have to assess why am feeling and acting the way I do, and figure out what changes and responsibilities that I have to take.  Pretty scary feeling when 25 days ago all I had to say is, "I need a cigarette."

A Path to Self Discovery
So this is something new I am learning about myself.  Who knew that quitting smoking would bring on so many changes?  Who knew that smoking affected not just my physical health, but also my mental health?  I have been hiding for so long behind my cigarettes that I had no idea how self destructive I was being.  I was cheating myself out of being a well rounded adult that can assess situations in a healthy manner.  Now I am not only learning how to eat, exercise and get through a day without smoking.  I also have to learn how to think through situations differently.

Day 24: Warm Enough to Walk

I went on a very long hike today.  It finally warmed up enough to get out and enjoy the outdoors again and it felt so good to move my body.  I can really tell a difference in my breathing while hiking steep hills.  My muscles seem to warm up faster, and I am able to climb without as much muscle fatigue.  I know that I am nowhere near where I need to be, but it feels really good to exercise.

We actually climbed around the backside of a pretty large rock outcropping.  I am scared to death of anything higher than ten feet.  Our trail was next to a straight four story drop.  Amazing views, but my adrenaline was really pumping.

With not smoking, I have come to value this exercise. I am grateful for the mild winter, as February in Colorado is usually quite chilly.  Today, I only wore a t-shirt.  Fabulous day!

Day 23: My First Cigarette

15,000

I and my best friend Brandi stole a whole pack of cigarettes from my parent's carton that they kept on the fridge.  I remember puffing on the darn things, not inhaling, but thinking we were pretty cool.  We were twelve. Cigarettes turned into a habit by the time I turned thirteen.  We would sneak, steal and even find cigarette machines to buy them from.  Access to cigarettes was simple, and really only mean scrounging enough money for the next pack.  

Twenty-five years.  That is over 15,000 hours of doing nothing but smoking a cigarette.  Sure I may have been reading or talking, but my fingers saw 15,000 hours of holding a cigarette.  My lungs held smoke in them for 15,000 hours.  This realization makes me very ill.  More than ill, I am angry.  Angry enough to get through another day.  Angry enough that I never want to waste another minute for nothing.  Nothing.  15,000.  I want to cry for what I have wasted.

The Biggest Tragedy of My Smoking Habit

I found out this year that my 15 year old daughter smokes.  She enjoys it.  Never wants to quit.  All of her friends smoke.  My guilt and sadness is overwhelming.  So sad.  I can't help but feel that this is my fault.  I never smoked in the house or the car, but still it was there.  It was a part of her because it was a part of her momma.  Now she has made it her own reality.

I could not smoke without thinking about what she is up against, and my responsibilities.  She feels she won't quit smoking and getting her to quit will be impossible - I have to do everything I can.  The first step was to stop myself.  I have 22 notches in my belt.  Now I need to educate her.  Scare her.  I don't know.  I can't let her do this.  I can't let her relive my life.

Day 22: Body and Mind Update

Thought I would give you an update of how my body is doing since I have not been ingesting all of the toxins in cigarette smoke.  I guess this overview will also give you an idea of how terrible my body used to feel.

• My sense of smell and taste have improved quite a bit.  I have noticed that processed foods are way too salty for my tastes.  The food I cook from scratch usually needs more salt though, which is kind of strange.  Where's the balance?  Ha!  My sinuses are no longer clearing themselves out the way they did earlier in my quit.
• I do not have canker sores or a sore throat like I did last week.  Going through a week of mouth pain was a really good way for me to get through some cravings.  I thought of all the toxins leaving the tissues in my throat and mouth.  I thought of how my body is adjusting to not having smoke sear my throat and how my gums now have a chance of not receding.
• My eyes used to be bloodshot and watery by the end of the evening.  This is not happening any more.  My eyes are clear and they do not burn unless I am extremely tired.
• It is so nice not to smell cigarettes on my fingers and hair.  
• I am really sensitive to the smell of smoke on other people, their clothes, automobiles and breath.
• My chest no longer hurts by the end of the day or when I take deep breathes.  I am not constantly coughing up phlegm.  I am not breathing heavy by the end of the night.
• I am not dizzy or nauseous.  I do not feel vertigo if I stand up too quickly.  
• Every night before bed I would pray for the strength to quit tomorrow.  Now before bed I give thanks for another day of no nicotine.
• My energy levels have increased dramatically.  Now I know when I am tired it is because I may have lost sleep.  When I smoked cigarettes I would lose energy by 10 am and not be able to recover for the rest of the day.  I knew how many cigarettes I could smoke before this loss of energy.  I used to call it my, "poison levels".  Serious.
• My thinking, analyzing and deductive skills are all much clearer.  My productivity has increased and I am having an easier time concentrating.
• I am not losing patience as easily due to needing a cigarette.  I still don't have a lot of patience but now I can not blame it on withdrawal.
• I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I snack throughout the day.  I drink a lot of water.  I take vitamins every single day.  When I smoked I would go a whole day forgetting to eat.  The only time I would remember to eat is if my blood sugar became so low that I would shake.  I do not shake anymore.
• I exercise.  I run up the stairs in my house.  I take the stairs at the library.  I walk if I can.  I think about what types of exercises I want to do when it warms up.  I am thinking about extending my daughter's membership at the Y to a family membership.  I am setting goals, such as completing the Incline on my 90 day anniversary.
• I do not immediately think of cigarettes upon waking, eating, sleeping or anything else.  The only time I think of a cigarette is during a trigger.  The fact that I am thinking of other things when I wake up feels amazing.  I hated waking up and the first thing I thought of was a cigarette.

Day 21: Living with a Smoker while Quitting Nicotine

I have not mentioned yet that I live with a smoker.  So I have been trying to do this quit while having tobacco around me to constantly tease.  The smoker isn't teasing of course, and he has been pretty respectful.  It is just to have the tobacco there, the ashtray there and him doing what I used to do really is hard to turn away from.  He smokes outside, but whenever the door opens it triggers me.  I used to go out there with him.  Then when he opens the door to come back inside the smoke sucks into the house.  Most times it is easy to ignore unless I am working through a craving.  The smell of burning tobacco during a craving is almost more than I can bear.

On the other hand, the smell of stale tobacco is horrid.  In the truck I can smell the tobacco linger in my hair even though no one smoked around me.  Jackets or sweatshirts that have yet to be washed reek.  This smell gives me a headache and makes me feel queasy.  I do wonder that if I am exposed to second hand smoke if that will trigger my neurons the way smoking a cigarette would.  I know it would not be as big of a hit as a cigarette, but I am thinking that if I inhaled second hand smoke it would break the law of addiction.

So I am living with a smoker, and have not picked up a cigarette during all this time.  I did not smoke during those nasty cravings that I have been going through.  I could have grabbed a cig easily, even lit a refry.  I chose not to.  Looking back choosing not to smoke those cigarettes sitting on the table took the same amount of willpower it takes me to not drive to the store and buy some.  I do not want my quit to end.  I understand the law of addiction and its power over me.  I enjoy the feeling I have after beating a craving.  I am enjoying my body as it heals.  I love how it feels, how I am breathing better, how I can smell and taste.  All of these things are beginning to mean more to me than getting that hit of nicotine.

Tips While Quitting when Living with a Smoker

• Ask the smoker go outside to smoke.
• Ask the smoker to not leave their cigarettes in plain side.
• Ask the smoker to get rid of their butts right away.  Safely of course.
• Do not use the smoker's habit as an excuse for you to smoke.
• Leave the house before you choose to smoke.  See if getting away can give you a little perspective.
• No smoking in the house or vehicles.
• Change your routine and be ready to distract yourself during smoke times.
• Reassure yourself with your quit smoking websites, books, letters and journals.
• Do not lecture the smoker or make them feel bad because they are still smoking.  
• Do not try to quit at the same time when you live together.  Recipe for disaster.

Day 20: Getting through the Cravings is its Own Reward

I want to say something that no one will believe unless they experience it themselves.  When you get through a major craving that brings you to your knees.  When you accept that craving and not give in and smoke - oh the reward of it is more satisfaction than any cigarette can provide.

The worst non-smokers are the used-to-be-smokers because they have gone through their own personal hell and survived with success.  Of course they are going to be smug know-it-alls.  They feel as if they accomplished something that no one else has.  They look with disgust at smokers because cigarettes have become the enemy.  The smell, the taste of second-hand smoke, seeing someone exhale and inhale - all of it disgusts them because the quit is unpleasant and mentally painful.  Watching someone else become consumed by this habit that hurts so many things and this makes them feel very angry.  I am going to do my best to not be an angry ex-smoker because I can understand the addiction, the relapse and the quit.  There is no reason to judge.

Everyone wants to encourage people to quit so they don't really talk about exactly how hard cravings can be.  They say work through it, talk yourself out of it, use your tools and this sounds so easy.  It is not easy.  It is nerve wracking.  Cravings are awful.  AWFUL.  Be ready for them.  The little cravings during Hell Week are nothing compared to big stress cravings.  I saw three very determined quitters give in to their cravings this week because the regular cravings are physically and mentally exhausting.  Do not be scared of this but be ready.

I always thought of cravings as contractions a woman has during childbirth.  They are very similar.  They build up and spread until the whole body feels consumed with one unpleasant sensation.  Time distorts as this unpleasant feeling takes over our thoughts.  We focus our attention on working through the unpleasantries, breathing and distracting ourselves.  As the contraction/craving fades we are one step closer to a new life.  As soon as that new life appears we forget all of the pain and focus on the joy.  We never forget the hard work.

The feeling you get after the crave is over is better than any cigarette.  This feeling of accomplishment is a rush in itself.  Not the same as a nicotine rush.  Defiantly better than a nicotine rush.  The feeling is harder to identify unless I really think about my overall satisfaction with what I am doing with my life and health.  When I think about this and compare it to the nicotine rush I would much rather choose my quit alternative.  It is what motivates me to continue this wicked journey.

It has been a little cold here so I have been avoiding my walks.  I know, I know.  You miss the pictures.  So do I.  I will get out there soon.  I have not gained much weight yet and I think it is because I have been excercising and focusing on my health. I do not want to lose that momentum.

Day 19: Maintaining a Quit is Hard Work

A friend of mine quit around the same time as I did.  Actually, three others quit within the same week I think.  I did not realize that we all decided to quit - it was actually a coincidence.  One bit the dust about two weeks ago, the other a few days ago and then the last relapsed last night.  They were all using NRT's.

The last made mention that he was fine the first two weeks and then it started to get tougher.  He has gone through the same things I have been dealing with as far as relapse temptation. He said he will continue his quit tomorrow...Better luck next quit. There is nothing I can say to any of them to encourage recovery or a new quit. I am in too fragile of a place to offer much support.

Their relapse did give me some perspective on my own troubles.  How easy it is to lie to ourselves and start smoking again.  The seduction of addiction is an awful, awful feeling.  Picking up a cigarette is so easy.  So tempting.  It takes a lot of work to not do so.  Which is why I think I am struggling - I am focusing my energy on sources of stress and not smoking.  It is exhausting.

Crying - Good or Bad?
Today I really struggled again.  I cried a couple of times while trying to deal with my stress.  I wanted to blame the tears on smoking, but the tears were really a product of my stress.  My brain was telling me I was crying because I would not give into the craving.  I was really crying because I was allowing myself the energy to focus on my problems without the chemical help of nicotine.

I remember that during the times I used to smoke when I was upset it would stop me from crying.  I would never have to cry about things that upset me - for some reason smoking would stop this.  So now when something upsetting happens - the waterworks will not stop.  My addictive brain says I am crying because I am so upset because I can not allow myself a cigarette.  I know I said that already, but this is a new thought that I am trying to hash out.

Time to Refocus on my Quit Tools
My quit was starting to become easy.  Some of my blog posts were really short because I had some easy days.  I went lax on the crave bag, the stuff that I used during Hell Week.  I am going to pull that out again to help maintain my quit during these tough times.  Going back to the almonds, focusing on eating well, taking the walks and keeping my hands busy with my Knook.  I will also blog if I start crying again.  I need to catch that moment to really know what is going on.  I should also start reading the letter I wrote myself, these are the times that it will be most useful to me.

Day 18: Dealing with High Amounts of Stress without Smoking

As a smoker, I would automatically try to figure out my problems with numerous cigarettes and pots of coffee. I would smoke many cigarettes rehashing how to solve the problems of my life. It always seemed that those cigarettes helped me get through those times. The smoke breaks that I took gave me an excuse to stop cleaning, working and even parenting to think solely about my stress and try to find answers. Did this time really help me to solve my problems? Looking back, I really cannot remember if those problems were really solved with all of that brainstorming.

When trying to quit early on, I have to focus my complete energy on the quit, the cravings, my healing body and build my self esteem. When a stressful event happens that steals away my energy and focus, I am automatically reaching for a cigarette. Relapse danger is so close and so real, I feel that I have to double my efforts into not smoking.

What happens then to solving the source of my stress? Well without the cigarettes I am still trying to figure out an answer to my problems. I know that one of the smartest actions I can take is give my stress some time to settle in and allow me a little perspective on the whole problem in the first place. Smoking now at the height of an onset of stress is not going to help matters any. Smoking will add to the problems I already have.

Another motivation for not smoking is beating the trigger. I have read over and over that if a trigger is beaten and riding out a craving is successful than the next time that situation appears the craving is no longer there. This turns not smoking during these triggers into a challenge, and each trigger is a milestone. Got into an argument? Check. Mouthy teenager? Check. Stubbed my toe? Check.

I liken this to not wanting a cigarette in the morning anymore. I did not quit in the morning on Day 1.  I smoked in the morning because that was how important that morning cigarette was to me. Now I do not think of smoking in the morning at all. I beat that trigger, and it no longer is necessary to be able to start my day.

Day 17: Time Distortion

Wow.  The days really are flying by.  It is hard to believe that I have not ingested nicotine for 17 whole days.  Before all this the whole prospect of quitting smoking frightened me completely.  It has been hard for me to visualize having a good number of days under my feet.  I have been so busy living day to day and sometimes by the hour and of course three minute intervals that the fact that I have gone so long is very exciting.

Quitting smoking is a full time job.  We must always stay on top of our addictive minds, constantly reassuring ourselves, moving through cravings and getting through the day.  When I lay my head down at night and my chest doesn't burn, my hair still smells good and my fingers do not smell of smoke I feel the fruit of my labors.

I am still dealing with sinus problems and a sore throat.  I also have two canker sores that make it hurt to eat or talk.  Lastly, I am dealing with a terrible case of heartburn which I never have had before.  I am not coughing up phlegm or mucus very much.  It feels as if my body is rebelling against me.  Grrr.

Day 16: Body Adjustments to Nicotine Withdrawal

I wanted to remark that my dizziness has gone away.  I am not light headed at all - thank goodness.

My throat is really sore today and yesterday so not sure if it is from no smoking or if I am coming down with something.  I know I said that last week too.  I am hoping that this is my body cleaning itself out.  It is gratifying to know that it can do this.  I am doing my best to eat well, take vitamins and plenty of fluids still.

I am no longer exhausted.  I am neither full of energy.  I feel like I have evened out with the energy which is nice.  I am still drinking coffee in the afternoon, which is something I have always done.  This is a ten year habit.  I am thinking that needs to end soon.  The caffeine is not making me feel awake.  I am doing this for the warm cup, comfort factor so I wonder if I find a good flavored tea I could switch over.  I know a lot of tea has caffeine also but the coffee thing is bothering me.  It is a stimulant much like nicotine.

I am still walking.  Once again, always grateful to enjoy these sights in exchange for coffee and cigarettes on my deck.

Day 15: Nicotine Relapse is a Reality

No, I have not relapsed on my two week anniversary.  I want to talk about relapse because the possibility to do so is there.  In fact, I think as the days go by, the possibility for a relapse grows greater than the day before.  It is wonderful that I gain confidence and self esteem with each day that goes by, each craving that I accept and each time I walk away.  My addict mind can easily fool itself in thinking that I can have one cigarette, even a half of a cigarette - no make that one puff and then I will continue with my quit no problem.  My confidence will become my worst enemy.

Relapses begin because we forget the Law of Addiction.  I do not get to take credit for that fantastic name. I am taking this idea from www.whyquit.com, and if you have not visited this website I urge you to do so.  www.whyquit.com is my inspiration, my support group and my education for my cold turkey quit.

The Law of Addiction is a basic definition of the permanent change nicotine has created in my brain.  Nicotine addiction has created pathways in my brain that will never be erased.  It does not matter if I smoke now, 10 years from now or even 30 years from now - if I take a hit of nicotine even once I will go back to my old habit.  Relapse will guarantee failure.  Pretty scary?  Hell yes.

Our brains try to tell us the only normal is the nicotine high normal.  It takes about two weeks for the brain to start reconditioning itself to a new normal.  The brain still holds on to what the nicotine normal is and that is what constantly nags a recovering smoker.

So during those times of confidence, the times that my addict brain wants to bargain for what it used to know as normal I must remember the Law of Addiction.  I must remember that if I choose to smoke I am choosing to go back to my old consumption of a pack a day.  It is never just one.  Ever.

Day 14: Dealing with Anger without Nicotine

Personally, this morning sucked craving-wise. I got into a bad argument with my significant other, and it took quite the effort not to smoke. I took deep breaths, talked to myself about what it would mean to smoke, how it would not change my situation, how it would only make me feel bad and how I would end my quit, end my blog and lose the good momentum that I have been maintaining. I accepted the craving feelings for what they were and rode out the panic of it all. It sucked, and it felt good to finish it without smoking and get on with my day. I did not pick up that cigarette and puff out my problems.


This leads me to wonder about a section I am reading in Yes! You Can Stop Smoking by David C. Jones. He speaks of how whenever a smoker gets ticked they immediately reach for a cigarette. Now we know that when we take that first puff the nicotine reaches our brain within 7 seconds and proceed to stimulate our senses of safety, warm-fuzzy feel good chemicals such as dopamine and basically artificially make us feel okay. So what Jones says is that instead of facing the problem that has made us angry in the first place, we smoke instead.


Now in one way I can buy into this, that yes our brain is artificially being stimulated by nicotine. I feel calmer, more thoughtful and at ease with my situation. I am not going to smoke that cigarette and the problem goes away though. We still deal with the problem, hopefully. What Jones states is that when we quit, all of the anger we suppress while smoking comes out. I don't know this seems like a little over-thinking of the situation. It is almost saying that smokers can't deal with their issues.  Puffing away on a cancer stick is not going to make the problem go away. But that doesn't mean smokers aren't smart enough to solve their anger issues. This guy is not a doctor, though he is a director of a stop smoking program.


I do think that when a smoker goes to smoke a cigarette after experiencing a stressful situation, they are breaking themselves from the situation. They are separating themselves from the situation and are allowing themselves time to rationalize what is happening. Recovering smokers face this anger head on, can't escape it because escaping means smoking. We have to figure out how to take that time out without smoking. We have to figure this out while facing strong cravings because of stress. This rises our stress levels and makes us even more angry. Without proper tools and education in dealing with stressful situations, we are doomed to smoke because we do not know how to do this without a cigarette in our hand.

Day 13: Bad Day

Ugh.  I have a migraine.  Combination of not being able to deal with family stress and craving.  Didn't smoke but my head hurts.  I am going to sleep so it goes away.  Sorry for no insightful thoughts and ruminations.  Tomorrow.  Bleh.

Day 12: Learning About Stages of Addiction and Recovery

I found a book to help me along in my recovery process.  It is called: Yes! You Can Stop Smoking - Even if You Don't Want To - Recover from Nicotine Addiction.  This book is by David C. Jones.
So far I am pretty impressed with this book because it is educating me about the nature of addiction - specifically nicotine addiction.  Right up my alley.

Right from the start Jones dives in about the stages of recovery - basically what the mind goes through while quitting smoking.  He is pretty on target of what I have been feeling mind-wise.  It is easy to find information about what happens to our bodies - but our minds are a whole different manner.

So the first stage he identifies is the Fear stage.  From what I get, this is the early stage of the quit and lasts from the time we identify that we need to quit smoking to about two weeks in.  This is what keeps us from taking the initial dive into a quit and keeps us smoking, giving up within two weeks and keeps us from staying quit.  Remember when I spoke of how I was worrying about craves I didn't even have yet, the future cravings? That is a prime example of the Fear stage.

The Fear stage has a whole grocery list of fears that try to trick us into giving up on the quit or not even trying in the first place.  The fear of pretty much anything: success, failure, withdrawal process, anxiety etc. Jones' solution to the stage is to talk about these feelings with a trusted confidant and accepting the feelings for what they are to take away their power.

I can defiantly say I am still in this stage and I can say it does take a lot of work to beat the fears that come along with a quit.

The second stage is the Adjustment stage, and can last a few months to a year.  This is the withdrawal process that we all feel.  Physical and mental challenges our bodies and brains that leave us feeling a whole spectrum of emotions and ailments.  We learn how to do day to day activities without cigarettes.  Our bodies are clearing out the poisons and healing themselves.

The adjustment stage might have the highest probability of relapse because of the gain in confidence.  This false sense of security can make us feel like we can handle just one cigarette.  Withdrawals and cravings become severe in thirty day intervals that can blindside someone in recovery.  Emotions can be extremely vivid during this stage and the inability to deal can cause a relapse.

The best part about the adjustment stage is that I will start to gain self esteem and gratitude for my quit.  The biggest help for this stage is having a good support group, good friends and keeping a daily journal (Yay for me!)

Now I think the adjustment stage starts at day 1 as we struggle to learn how to live a non-smoking life, struggle with withdrawals and celebrate each day we stay smoke free.

The next two stages, Anger and Growth, work together and last up to eighteen months of a quit.  There are some main points about anger and growth that really scare me.   If I do not handle my emotional issues correctly I will smoke again.  This is what happens and every smoker knows it, they have done it.  We get upset, stressed or angry.  What do we do - grab a cigarette.  When do we really resolve HOW we got upset, stressed or angry in the first place?  How do we resolve our emotions without smoking?  How do we take that time to cool off and deal with our feelings without the mental break a cigarette provided us?
So these past issues are going to pop up and we have to learn how to deal with this emotional pain, take responsibility for them and then choose not to smoke as an immediate solution to these problems.  (That is the Growth)  This is really stressful for me.  But on the other hand this emotional growth is an exciting adventure to become a better person.

The last stage of addiction is the Maintenance Stage.  This is the rest of our lives.  Jones speaks of having healthy coping skills, spirituality, short and long term goals and non-smoking friends.  He kind of describes a non-smoking utopia.  Since I am not here yet, I am willing to be extremely judgmental and probably misunderstand what he is trying to say.  I know many smokers who have these attributes.  It almost sounds like he is ball-busting the smokers and making people who do not smoke into saints.  A little to high nosed for me.  But they always say that former smokers are the worst critics against critics so who knows how I will feel when I am actually here, right?

Jones gives a two year goal and he says, "it takes two years to make a complete transition from a smoker who is not smoking to a non-smoker who feels like a non-smoker."  Two years to change twenty-four years of an addiction - yeah I like those odds.

Day 11: A Quiet Nicotine Free Day

Another quiet day.  I think now the part of this quit is learning to live a new life.  What life can it be?  I believe this is what I will be pondering in the upcoming week.  Exercise?  Eat better?  What am I going to do with this time?  This body?  The new sensations that I have forgotten like smell and taste?

Body-wise the dizziness is almost gone.  Sometimes I will get a small bout but nothing remarkably serious.  My nose and sinuses still get plugged on occasion along with a sore throat.

I am still drinking water, taking vitamins, drinking green tea - though I do get lazy.  It is strange to have to be an active participant in my health.  As a smoker I think I had the attitude of what will be will be.  So sad and strange that I want to change all of this.  What an amazing transformation.

Day 10: Where is my Motivation?

Once again another quiet day.  I had a very hard time with motivation today.  I is like I can not find how to do the things I love to do now.  I am going to have to find a way to structure my days until I can get a feeling of this new life.  I hope this demotivation will pass quickly.  I do not like this feeling.
Another part of it is that I am extremely tired.  It is very hard for me to move when my body feels so sluggish.  It looks like I have a lot of work to do - to do lists, schedule.  I can not keep doing nothing, that is the easy way out.  How depressing.

Day 9: Missing My Old Routine

I felt like something was missing today.  Every time I finished with a task, I felt like I should be going outside to sit like I used to.  I was afraid to go out to just enjoy the sunshine.  It would feel like letting the devil in my doorway.  So the question is this.  How do I learn to relive my life?  There is no guidance, no how-to book and no one can tell me how to rebuild my non-smoking life except for me.  Smoking is how I have lived ever since I was a teenager and now I am rebuilding a new non-smoking me.
So I start from the ground up and learn to relive my life. I have to learn what true rewards are.  I build without chemicals to fog up what is real and feels real. That is something new to me.
Even though nicotine does not fog the brain the way drugs or alcohol would, I believe it really messes with how I thought and enjoyed life.  How does such a chemical make someone so dependent when there are no physical feel good effects?  How do people continue?  How do we get trapped with this chemical when we don't even get a high?

Day 8: Beating the Nicotine Cravings

A lesson in craving today.  I knew that I was going to come upon a stressful event later on in the day.  This brought upon a cluster of cravings that lasted for a little while.  I told myself that smoking is not going to make this event any less stressful.  In fact, if I smoked I would probably be more stressed out because I would be really disappointed in myself.  I talked myself through to the event, kept delaying.  When the appointment actually happened it all turned out to be good.  There was nothing to stress over in the first place.  I felt so good to have conquered a part of the old addictive me and my old ways.  I have been trying so hard to become healthier and more conscious of my body.  Instead of giving into every little whim that my addictive brain demands I am trying to make conscious decisions about my health.  It feels good.  It is hard work and defiantly not the easy road.  The reward at the end of the day is worth the effort.

I am still walking every day and enjoying every minute of it.  These morning walks really do feed the soul.  Two pictures I was able to get today really embody what a reward not smoking is.  My smoking self would have been home - smoking and drinking coffee.  I would have missed this moment.

Day 7: Dealing with Stress and Nicotine Cravings

Stress is the name of the game today, but I tried not to let myself get so upset that I would feel that a cigarette is my only answer.  Quitting smoking is a bunch of mind games, all day long, that you play to yourself.  You have to trick your brain into getting through each day, each hour, each three minutes.

Craving for Future Nicotine??

I think this is why a lot of people succumb and start smoking again.  They stop playing the mind games and the addict starts to take over again.  The best example I can think of is thinking about quitting smoking for the rest of my life is terrifying. If I start to think about next week, next month, six months I will start to feel physical symptoms of a panic attack and then the craving starts.  I start craving for the cigarette I should be smoking next week.  I hope a fellow addict will understand that. That craving in seven days, seven months or seven years puts me in a panic more so than any present cravings I have.  So I play a mind game when I begin to think about my non-smoking self.  I say, "you know that there is no point in worrying about next week, next month or the next six months.  You are worrying about right now.  There is nothing to worry about right now because"  That is much easier.  Shut off the panic button and be done.  It usually works.

I hope that someday when I start thinking of my future non-smoking self I will not panic.  When that day comes I will know that I am beginning to beat the addiction.

The Craving Bag

I also want to share a picture of my craving bag.  It has been very helpful during this week.  I highly suggest such a tool to get you through.  Some things I use more than others.  For instance, I have not needed my journal because I have the computer close by.  I keep forgetting to mark down my cravings, so the sharpie is not necessary - but I  think it is a good idea still.  Maybe I should carry it in my pocket.  I have been knitting - which has been a great tool.  The almonds have been a great salt munchie and I counteract with sweet trail mix (the kids love the trail mix so need to buy more) I took the picture with my Iphone - but I do use that for distraction a lot.  The Altoids have been great, I use them while walking and driving.  I keep everything in the beige bag on the left.

Day 6: Nicotine Withdrawal feels Like Hunger

Another ho hum day with no crazy cravings.  I had very low motivation and energy though.  Still getting bouts of dizziness, especially if I sit too long.  Isn't that strange?  Mild stress today did not trigger me to smoke, which was nice.  It feels like now, instead of the BIG NASTY craves, I am riding smaller crave waves that are easier to manage.  Almost like a constant thought in the back of my mind.  Kind of like you smell apple pie at the grocery store and then think about that apple pie all day long.  It pops in and reminds you that you wanted a piece but then you get distracted for a bit before it pops in again.  I am making good use of my craving bag for the most part, though today I didn't need it for much.
I am knitting to keep my hands busy.  Well, it is called knooking.  which is a combination knit and crochet.  Pretty fun and the swatch is coming out nicely.  I just wish I could get my full motivation and concentration back.  I feel kind of like a bum.  I am getting distracted very easy.

Day 5: Nicotine Withdrawal takes Energy

Today was another easy day with no notable cravings.  The cravings that I did have were small and easily brushed away. I disappeared into a book for the morning.  Still very dizzy and the energy is pretty low.  The craving bag is definitely a wonderful tool to reach for when a cigarette is on the mind.

I still have a sore throat.  My sinuses aren't acting up the way they did yesterday so I defiantly think it is quit related.  I am going to try and start blogging quit smoking topics so the blog isn't the same thing every day so watch for new stuff.  I will still give an update every day for the first month at least.

Day 4: A Day of Relief

Well I am really glad I resisted my horrifying cravings yesterday to make it to today.  It was an easy day.  No clusters, no huge earth shattering craves that paralyzed me.

I was in a huge trigger moment today.  I and my friend would always go and get coffee, go to a park and rehash our lives.  We sat in the park, drank our coffee (green tea for me), and she smoked.  I actually felt like I should be walking instead of just sitting there.  I enjoyed myself, we hadn't reconnected in quite awhile.  The need I felt really was nothing, like a fly I had to keep brushing away.

I am finding out that my afternoon coffee and smoke break had a bigger impact on my life than I thought.  It does trigger me about as much as the morning time.  I am finding that if I do struggle or need to be prepared, it is in the morning and the afternoon.  I am hoping that now that my body has fully purged the nicotine it will get easier and I can start learning to live without cigarettes.  I am also finding that I only drink one cup of coffee in the morning and one in the afternoon.  When I smoke I would drink a pot in the afternoon and a pot in the morning.  If I did not, I had no energy to function throughout my day.

Energy levels, with the exception of yesterday, are pretty good.  I feel a little tired in the afternoon, but not enough to want to nap.  In comparison, when I smoke I am ready to sleep by 10 am.  My brain feels a little foggy and I am having trouble concentrating on anything for longer than 30 minutes.  I am getting ADD jokes from the family.  I am getting dizzy pretty often which is kind of strange and if that continues I may give the doc a call.

I am hoping the fogginess, dizziness and ADD is all the oxygen flooding my brain.  I am hoping that my brain is not used to oxygen rich blood and has to regulate itself a little bit.  Purging my body of carbon monoxide and all of those poisons will have some effects I have to feel.  My sinuses are clogged up and my throat is also beginning to get sore.  Not sure if this is purging, or I am getting sick.

Speaking of purging poisons, my mind is returning over and over to many different detox and health programs to support how my body heals from the cigarette toxins.  I figure I have subjected my body to these poisons for over twenty years, I really need to do everything I can to clean up the mess.  I have been researching different detox programs to decide how I want to go about cleaning house.  To me the detox actually feels like a reward.

I am walking or exercising in one way or another to start my change in lifestyle, contribute to my heart and lung health, and up those dopamine levels.  I can tell you that reconnecting with nature every morning is damn good for the soul.  Just what I need to reward myself for hard work.  Speaking of rewards, birchbox.com may be something I am going to look into as a reward for quitting.  I figure I will order from them on my one month anniversary.

Day 3: Craving Paralyzed Me

Today was awful.  I was drained completely of all motivation, energy and tears.  Goodness.  I still walked in the morning, drank tea.  I just felt paralyzed.  Tomorrow better get better.  This day is what smokers dread when they are ready to quit.

The Hunger and the Tears

Today has been horrifying.  I do not know how I have made it this far without smoking.  It is like I get a craving and short break.  Very short.  Before I am catching my breath from one it is hitting me with another.  I have been knocked to my knees with a hunger and all I can do is lay on the couch and let it wash over me.  I don't dare go outside.  I don't talk to anyone.  I am also feeling depression, crying.  I just want to curl up and go away.  I do not know what is keeping me going.  I do not know how I am holding on.  I surely know it is not sanity.  Even though there is no physical pain I can describe it feels as if my body and brain is reacting to a physical pain.  This day.  This is the day all smokers fear.
This to shall pass.  Please do not let me succumb.

2 days 6 hours 3 minutes

Day 2: Focusing on How My Body Reacts to Withdrawal

The morning has been easy so far.  Green tea and lemon.  My craving bag by my side and upping my dopamine levels by going for a walk in the Garden of the Gods.  I really did not keep track of my cravings today.  I do think it is important to keep track of them though.  Looking back on the day it felt like I was craving all day - but I know this to not be true.

I do feel that nicotine cravings are more challenging if you get back to back groups.  It feels like you do not get as much of a break.  They are almost like cluster headaches - cluster craves.

I changed the name of the blog to Three Minutes to Freedom.  It is because that is all we have to get through.  Three minutes is all a craving lasts.  Don't believe me?  Time it.  And then we can move on with our life again nicotine free.  Kind of like riding a bull.

Nasty Craving for Nicotine

Grrrr.....it is amazing how when people act normally you realize they can be way to abrasive for your delicate mental state to handle.  And they have no idea what they are doing to you.  Do they?  And you are barely holding on to your own anger, trying to make things easy for them so you don't destroy them with temporary words and all you really want to do is go get the baseball bat.
I actually envisioned how the cig would sound sliding out of the pack.  I knew it would make me feel awful.  I didn't do it.  Pulled up the blog instead.

1 day 5 hours 0 minutes

First Notable Nicotine Craving

I did not have to write through any cravings today.  I was actually able to breath them out for the most part.  I was busy reading anti-smoking sites throughout the day so this also helped to tamp those cravings down to a minimum.  My toughest one was when I was on my way home at the end of the day.  I was ready for a cup of coffee and a smoke on my deck.  I breathed, thought about what I was doing and told myself it will be over before I even get home.  It was.

Day 1: Focus on the First Day of a Cold Turkey Quit

After 20 minutes (8:50 a.m.) my blood pressure and pulse is supposed to drop back down to normal.  My hand and feet temperature returns to normal.
After 8 hours (5:30 p.m.) my carbon monoxide and oxygen levels return to normal.

So far today was not bad at all.  On the drive home, I did have a nerve wracking crave that was gone before I walked in the front door.

I have 6 tally marks on my arm.  So it is very true that the brain does not want to remember unpleasant things.  I agree.  I can not remember why I felt it noteworthy to notate those craves, but they were there.

Will add to post if anything else happens tonight.

What I did to Prepare for Quitting Nicotine

The Pregame Preparations

I put together a craving bag, which has almonds, a journal, a box of green tea, crochet needles and yarn, Altoids and a Sharpie marker.  I will add to my bag of tricks as I go along.  I am carrying this bag with me everywhere to help me with the cravings.

I bought some detox foods to make me feel good about taking care of my body.  Green tea, lemons, juice, apples, almonds etc. etc.

Until the cravings aren't as big of a deal, I am going to mark a tally mark on my arm for each craving so I have a physical reminder of how much I am accomplishing.

I did not choose a quit date - as those cause me more stress instead of hype me up.

Mornings are my most challenging.  I started my quit after my morning routine, so I have a few cravings under my belt for motivation the next morning. Not a great way to start out the day but it works for me.

We will see how this works.