Knowing My Nicotine Triggers

So I made this list at the beginning of my quit.  My goal was to avoid these triggers so that I did not have to suffer through unnecessary cravings.  


Coffee

Alcohol

Stress

Driving

Rewards: terms of new rewards - book read time, craft time, think different ways to break from daily routines.

A new routine.


Now I am into my second month of quitting and I have to smile about thinking I had to avoid such things.  I am not a big drinker, so I have yet to achieve that hurdle.  As the weather gets warmer I will face more social challenges.


I think the best thing about facing a trigger is that you grow stronger each time you choose not to smoke.  Every step you make strengthens your quit resolve and the trigger looses its power. 


I drive without thinking about cigarettes, even in stressful rush hour traffic.  I make it through stressful situations (I have two teenage daughters) with a passing thought of a cigarette that disappears quickly. I enjoy my coffee every day, and I no longer wish to pair it with a cigarette.


What I have learned that is very important for every beginning quitter to know is that triggers loose their power very quickly.


I think that whenever I thought about quitting I feared facing these triggers over and over again for weeks, months and years.  I do not have to face those triggers repeatedly and they do not cause me cravings.  Triggers loose their power quickly.  


This is not to say I will not face cravings.  I know I must stay vigilant against possible triggers that will sneak up on me.  I just want to express my relief that triggers loose power once they are confronted.  This empowerment is what keeps me finish each day nicotine free.

Day 33: First Contact with a Cigarette in a Closed Room

Quick note that today is the first time I was face to face with a cigarette.  I went over to visit with my neighbor, who is a 2 pack a day smoker, and he offered me a cigarette.  I turned him down of course, but spent an hour or so with him and three smoked cigarettes.  He buys loose tobacco because it is cheaper.  Ugh.  I can still smell it on me.  I have not showered yet, but oh my gosh.  I know I used to smell like this and it never bothered me.  It smells like I am wearing cheap, nasty perfume that does not fade.  I can not get used to it.  I absolutely did not want a cigarette.  In fact, being in that room with no ventilation I felt like I was in a gas chamber.  How did I inhale that for so long?  Geez.  To see this from the other side is a whole new experience.  Like I stated before, I have to say I am addicted to nicotine because I could never inhale smoke again.

Day 32: Learning that Nicotine is What I Crave, Not Cigarettes

When I used to smoke I would take my break outside.  I would sit on my deck and think of what I get to do to my garden.  I would look at my plants (or in the winter where my plants will be) and think about how much peace they give me.  For the first time in a little over a month I sat outside and took a break.  I still looked at my plants.  I thought about how I used to smoke, how I would hate myself while smoking.  I did not think about how much I missed the nicotine.  I am starting to think of it in that way.  Not that I missed smoking. I hated smoking.  I hated the way my lips looked while sucking on the filter.  I hated the way smoke looked around my face.  I hated the smell on my fingers, hair and clothes.  But oh that nicotine rush is what I miss.  But now I find my happiness in different ways.  Today I breathed deep and thought how nice it was to have energy today.  I smelled the soggy leaves and felt the warm sun.  I am grateful for not constantly depending on nicotine to allow me to be happy about these things.

Day 30: A Month Passes Quickly

I am on my 30th day.  When I wake tomorrow morning I will have completed these 30 days.  I have not forgotten some of the more challenging days.  Specifically the day I lay on the couch and cried all day long.   I go through my month of writings and think of all I have accomplished.  The challenging days always seemed to be rewarded, which gives me hope.  I hope my family reads this and thinks about their own quit. I hope they see that if I can do this they can too.  I want to see them succeed.

Posting on this blog has saved me many a times, and I will continue often.  I want to focus my energy on more education.  I want to empower myself and others with positive thinking and healthy attitudes.  I have laid a 30 day foundation.  By no way am I done or safe from a relapse so I will continue to share my journey.  I hope others will follow along.

So much has changed over this month.  I love the new me.  I love not thinking of smoking in the morning.   All of the advantages I have gained make me crave a non-smoking day as much as I used to crave a cigarette.  I want that for all of the people I love.  I want them to take this same journey.

Day 29: Positive Attitude is a Key to No Nicotine

We always hear about how well positive reinforcement works for many different situations.  When we try to teach a new concept, positive reinforcement is usually the best advice possible.  The same attitude is important for quitting smoking.  As a smoker who thinks about quitting we often view what we are giving up instead of think about what we might be gaining.  I think this is because we really do not know what we gain until we experience it.  Smokers do not know what to expect out of a life of not smoking, so how can we reinforce our quit?  Kind of hard to do so.

Many advice websites focus on the bad effects of cigarettes, and those things are very true.  Cigarettes cause ugly, nasty side effects and most smokers can recite all of those effects by heart.  A smoker obsesses over what cigarettes do to her body every time they light a smoke.  Every hitch in breath and pain makes her wonder if cigarettes have finally made irreparable damage.  Educating oneself about how disgusting cigarettes are and what they do to our body is very important, but not enough to get people to quit.  Maybe for a week or two, but fear does not usually sustain a quit.

What comes next?  How can positive reinforcement help our quit become successful?  This is what I do.

• I am always smelling my hair, clothes and fingers.  The behavior is a little strange, but has gotten me through more than a couple of cravings.  For some reason when I smell the clean scent of my own non-smoking being, it completely reinforces what I am doing.
• My sense of smell and taste were greatly affected when I smoked.  I could bury my nose in a bouquet of roses and not smell them.  Now, whenever I taste or smell anything I remind myself of how wonderful the experience is.  I do not want to lose it, and therefore I make sure I never take advantage of how glorious a lemon drop really tastes.
• I read.  I read about other people's quits.  I read forums, blogs and books.  I read about addiction and habits.  I read to educate myself and to laugh.  I have my favorite websites that I visit every day.  I read positive information about making health, life and love better.
• I think about the experiences that open up for me every day.  The walks and hikes that fulfill my soul and my body.  The extra time for myself and my family.  My ability to think clearly is indescribable and positive.  
• I focus on my health now.  I think about what I eat, drink and how active I am.  I take vitamins every day.  I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.
• When I smoked I was really hard on myself.  I hated myself everyday.  I did not think good of myself as a woman or a mother.  I put myself down for various reasons.  I do not do this now.  I am proud of myself now.  I feel good for what I have done.  I feel good as a mother.  I feel strong and capable.  I feel like I have a spine for standing up against my cravings instead of giving in to them.  

Day 28: The Day in the Life of a Non-Smoker

I feel like I need to keep updating how I am feeling because when I was still smoking I was most curious about what would happen to me.  This is the main reason why I want to share this blog with other smokers. We are so afraid of going through the unknown.  As a smoker, it is scary to not know what life is like without cigarettes.  That used to be my biggest fear.

• How do I start my day without cigarettes and coffee?  
• Well I still start my day with coffee.  Strangely enough I stopped missing this routine quickly into my quit.  Now I sleep in a little later than normal, and I still enjoy my morning coffee.  I do miss sitting outside in the morning, but I think by the time spring is here I will be able to do so without triggering a craving.

• How do I reward myself for a job well done (cleaning, writing, working, cooking, projects)?  
• I have found that I do not need a reward/break in between each and every task that I complete.  This is really only an aspect of the nicotine addiction.  What was really happening was my body withdrawing in between tasks.  Now that I do not have that physical withdrawal every 1/2 hour, I do not "need" a reward.

• Talk to my mom or gram on the phone?
• This one is tough for me because the association with talking to them and smoking goes back decades.  Literally since I was a teenager.  Big time trigger.  I actually have not talked to them as much as I usually do, which is sad and I miss them.  I know once I get through the first long conversation my brain will rewire itself.

• Drive long distances?  
• Long distance driving is about the boredom.  Funny enough I do talk on the phone occasionally and that helps.  Have you ever tried to smoke, drive and talk?  It is challenging.  So I have gotten an occasional call to Gram on my long drives.  I have a harder time with the stress levels of driving in rush hour traffic to cause triggers more than anything.

• What do I do after I finish eating?
• Once again, I no longer need to satisfy a nicotine withdrawal.  I really think that is why a cigarette seems so satisfying after a dinner.  The social activity + not smoking for a period of time automatically makes the after eating cigarette much more satisfying.  Those nicotine receptors are empty and begging to be filled.

• Will I enjoy my afternoon coffee?
• The only answer I need for this question is this: 

• When I get angry, upset, sad, happy or bored?
• Dealing with the wide range of emotions has been quite an adventure.  I have found that I can think clearly because I am not blaming my feelings on withdrawal.  I am able to hash out my real feelings and try to decide how I want to deal with them.  Not smoking during this time has been a challenge, but it has also been eye opening.  I have realized that I did not even know the real me.
• How to end my day without smoking before bed?
• I write this blog to end my day, and I have to say that I really enjoy writing here.  I enjoy thinking about my day, and sharing it with others.  I fall asleep with a full breathe in my lungs and a clean mouth and teeth.  My fingers and hair do not smell and I feel good about myself and my body.  Instead of falling asleep wondering how fast I am killing myself, I fall asleep thinking of what a good thing I did today, not smoking.

Day 27: Keeping Up the Momentum

So I find it interesting that I feel as if I have lost my good health vibe.  I do not know if I am just in a slump, and how do I get out of this lazy behavior?  It really takes a lot of hard work to change your life, health and habits.  Day to day activities and stresses can easily pop up and get in the way.  It is necessary to constantly stay vigilant about what to eat, where to exercise and stay on guard against cravings.  These are some of my goals during this week.

• I need to keep up with exercising even when it is cold.  I use the cold as an excuse not to get out and walk.  I could very easily exercise at home, and the girls want me to get a membership at the gym.
• I really have to cut down on the coffee.  I have not slowed my consumption down.  I am still drinking too much in the afternoon.  I have green tea and fresh lemons.  
• I have lost interest in feel good foods and I am reaching for the cookies way too often.  I need to make sure I am eating the correct stuff. 

I do want to say that one of the reasons I am slacking is because I have not had to distract myself away from cravings.  Very seldom do I feel the need to smoke.  When I do think about smoking, I see the old habit as a hole in my being.  I have gotten lazy filling this hole with positive behaviors and reinforcement so that I do not want to fill it with smoke.  An example was taking the kids for an outing yesterday.  I need day to day habits to help me feel fulfilled in addition to the special treats.

Am I being to hard on myself?  I do not think so.  I think I must stay vigilant so that relapse is not possible. I never, ever want to take another puff.  Ever.

Day 26: The Benefits of Not Smoking

Instead of spending my afternoon smoking and drinking coffee on my deck, I took my daughters to the 2012 Cripple Creek Ice Festival.

Who would choose smoking over this memory?

We had a great time.  They loved how the ice flew away from the chainsaw in arcs of snow.  

This sculpture was about 12 feet tall.  A very moving tribute.

A lot of the sculptures are sturdy enough for the kids to climb on.

They use a clothes iron to make the ice so crystal clear.  Most of the sculptures were not finished yet.

Each block weighs about 350 pounds. 

 Visitors to the festival were able to have names of their fallen soldiers added to the wall. 

Day 25: Dealing with Anger and Irritability During a Quit

Angry like a Steaming Kettle
I want to say that I was really worried about always being angry, upset and sad.  It seemed as if I would never be happy again.  I felt that I would always have anger issues because I had ruined how my brain handles stress.  During the beginnings of a quit the only thing I could do was distract myself from what I was angry about.  I had to tell myself that I am not really this angry about my situation, and that only my brain is not ready to handle the problem at hand.  Usually this tactic worked.  I did not want to succumb to my anger - I held down a lot of feelings.  Some still leaked through.

A Little Farther into the Quit
Now I know that I am more in tune with my feelings than ever before.  I do not have as many uncontrollable surges of anger.  Now I know I can not blame my angry or irrational feelings on nicotine relapse.  Now I have to face those feelings and reactions.  I have to assess why am feeling and acting the way I do, and figure out what changes and responsibilities that I have to take.  Pretty scary feeling when 25 days ago all I had to say is, "I need a cigarette."

A Path to Self Discovery
So this is something new I am learning about myself.  Who knew that quitting smoking would bring on so many changes?  Who knew that smoking affected not just my physical health, but also my mental health?  I have been hiding for so long behind my cigarettes that I had no idea how self destructive I was being.  I was cheating myself out of being a well rounded adult that can assess situations in a healthy manner.  Now I am not only learning how to eat, exercise and get through a day without smoking.  I also have to learn how to think through situations differently.

Day 24: Warm Enough to Walk

I went on a very long hike today.  It finally warmed up enough to get out and enjoy the outdoors again and it felt so good to move my body.  I can really tell a difference in my breathing while hiking steep hills.  My muscles seem to warm up faster, and I am able to climb without as much muscle fatigue.  I know that I am nowhere near where I need to be, but it feels really good to exercise.

We actually climbed around the backside of a pretty large rock outcropping.  I am scared to death of anything higher than ten feet.  Our trail was next to a straight four story drop.  Amazing views, but my adrenaline was really pumping.

With not smoking, I have come to value this exercise. I am grateful for the mild winter, as February in Colorado is usually quite chilly.  Today, I only wore a t-shirt.  Fabulous day!

Day 23: My First Cigarette

15,000

I and my best friend Brandi stole a whole pack of cigarettes from my parent's carton that they kept on the fridge.  I remember puffing on the darn things, not inhaling, but thinking we were pretty cool.  We were twelve. Cigarettes turned into a habit by the time I turned thirteen.  We would sneak, steal and even find cigarette machines to buy them from.  Access to cigarettes was simple, and really only mean scrounging enough money for the next pack.  

Twenty-five years.  That is over 15,000 hours of doing nothing but smoking a cigarette.  Sure I may have been reading or talking, but my fingers saw 15,000 hours of holding a cigarette.  My lungs held smoke in them for 15,000 hours.  This realization makes me very ill.  More than ill, I am angry.  Angry enough to get through another day.  Angry enough that I never want to waste another minute for nothing.  Nothing.  15,000.  I want to cry for what I have wasted.

The Biggest Tragedy of My Smoking Habit

I found out this year that my 15 year old daughter smokes.  She enjoys it.  Never wants to quit.  All of her friends smoke.  My guilt and sadness is overwhelming.  So sad.  I can't help but feel that this is my fault.  I never smoked in the house or the car, but still it was there.  It was a part of her because it was a part of her momma.  Now she has made it her own reality.

I could not smoke without thinking about what she is up against, and my responsibilities.  She feels she won't quit smoking and getting her to quit will be impossible - I have to do everything I can.  The first step was to stop myself.  I have 22 notches in my belt.  Now I need to educate her.  Scare her.  I don't know.  I can't let her do this.  I can't let her relive my life.

Day 22: Body and Mind Update

Thought I would give you an update of how my body is doing since I have not been ingesting all of the toxins in cigarette smoke.  I guess this overview will also give you an idea of how terrible my body used to feel.

• My sense of smell and taste have improved quite a bit.  I have noticed that processed foods are way too salty for my tastes.  The food I cook from scratch usually needs more salt though, which is kind of strange.  Where's the balance?  Ha!  My sinuses are no longer clearing themselves out the way they did earlier in my quit.
• I do not have canker sores or a sore throat like I did last week.  Going through a week of mouth pain was a really good way for me to get through some cravings.  I thought of all the toxins leaving the tissues in my throat and mouth.  I thought of how my body is adjusting to not having smoke sear my throat and how my gums now have a chance of not receding.
• My eyes used to be bloodshot and watery by the end of the evening.  This is not happening any more.  My eyes are clear and they do not burn unless I am extremely tired.
• It is so nice not to smell cigarettes on my fingers and hair.  
• I am really sensitive to the smell of smoke on other people, their clothes, automobiles and breath.
• My chest no longer hurts by the end of the day or when I take deep breathes.  I am not constantly coughing up phlegm.  I am not breathing heavy by the end of the night.
• I am not dizzy or nauseous.  I do not feel vertigo if I stand up too quickly.  
• Every night before bed I would pray for the strength to quit tomorrow.  Now before bed I give thanks for another day of no nicotine.
• My energy levels have increased dramatically.  Now I know when I am tired it is because I may have lost sleep.  When I smoked cigarettes I would lose energy by 10 am and not be able to recover for the rest of the day.  I knew how many cigarettes I could smoke before this loss of energy.  I used to call it my, "poison levels".  Serious.
• My thinking, analyzing and deductive skills are all much clearer.  My productivity has increased and I am having an easier time concentrating.
• I am not losing patience as easily due to needing a cigarette.  I still don't have a lot of patience but now I can not blame it on withdrawal.
• I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I snack throughout the day.  I drink a lot of water.  I take vitamins every single day.  When I smoked I would go a whole day forgetting to eat.  The only time I would remember to eat is if my blood sugar became so low that I would shake.  I do not shake anymore.
• I exercise.  I run up the stairs in my house.  I take the stairs at the library.  I walk if I can.  I think about what types of exercises I want to do when it warms up.  I am thinking about extending my daughter's membership at the Y to a family membership.  I am setting goals, such as completing the Incline on my 90 day anniversary.
• I do not immediately think of cigarettes upon waking, eating, sleeping or anything else.  The only time I think of a cigarette is during a trigger.  The fact that I am thinking of other things when I wake up feels amazing.  I hated waking up and the first thing I thought of was a cigarette.

Day 21: Living with a Smoker while Quitting Nicotine

I have not mentioned yet that I live with a smoker.  So I have been trying to do this quit while having tobacco around me to constantly tease.  The smoker isn't teasing of course, and he has been pretty respectful.  It is just to have the tobacco there, the ashtray there and him doing what I used to do really is hard to turn away from.  He smokes outside, but whenever the door opens it triggers me.  I used to go out there with him.  Then when he opens the door to come back inside the smoke sucks into the house.  Most times it is easy to ignore unless I am working through a craving.  The smell of burning tobacco during a craving is almost more than I can bear.

On the other hand, the smell of stale tobacco is horrid.  In the truck I can smell the tobacco linger in my hair even though no one smoked around me.  Jackets or sweatshirts that have yet to be washed reek.  This smell gives me a headache and makes me feel queasy.  I do wonder that if I am exposed to second hand smoke if that will trigger my neurons the way smoking a cigarette would.  I know it would not be as big of a hit as a cigarette, but I am thinking that if I inhaled second hand smoke it would break the law of addiction.

So I am living with a smoker, and have not picked up a cigarette during all this time.  I did not smoke during those nasty cravings that I have been going through.  I could have grabbed a cig easily, even lit a refry.  I chose not to.  Looking back choosing not to smoke those cigarettes sitting on the table took the same amount of willpower it takes me to not drive to the store and buy some.  I do not want my quit to end.  I understand the law of addiction and its power over me.  I enjoy the feeling I have after beating a craving.  I am enjoying my body as it heals.  I love how it feels, how I am breathing better, how I can smell and taste.  All of these things are beginning to mean more to me than getting that hit of nicotine.

Tips While Quitting when Living with a Smoker

• Ask the smoker go outside to smoke.
• Ask the smoker to not leave their cigarettes in plain side.
• Ask the smoker to get rid of their butts right away.  Safely of course.
• Do not use the smoker's habit as an excuse for you to smoke.
• Leave the house before you choose to smoke.  See if getting away can give you a little perspective.
• No smoking in the house or vehicles.
• Change your routine and be ready to distract yourself during smoke times.
• Reassure yourself with your quit smoking websites, books, letters and journals.
• Do not lecture the smoker or make them feel bad because they are still smoking.  
• Do not try to quit at the same time when you live together.  Recipe for disaster.

Day 20: Getting through the Cravings is its Own Reward

I want to say something that no one will believe unless they experience it themselves.  When you get through a major craving that brings you to your knees.  When you accept that craving and not give in and smoke - oh the reward of it is more satisfaction than any cigarette can provide.

The worst non-smokers are the used-to-be-smokers because they have gone through their own personal hell and survived with success.  Of course they are going to be smug know-it-alls.  They feel as if they accomplished something that no one else has.  They look with disgust at smokers because cigarettes have become the enemy.  The smell, the taste of second-hand smoke, seeing someone exhale and inhale - all of it disgusts them because the quit is unpleasant and mentally painful.  Watching someone else become consumed by this habit that hurts so many things and this makes them feel very angry.  I am going to do my best to not be an angry ex-smoker because I can understand the addiction, the relapse and the quit.  There is no reason to judge.

Everyone wants to encourage people to quit so they don't really talk about exactly how hard cravings can be.  They say work through it, talk yourself out of it, use your tools and this sounds so easy.  It is not easy.  It is nerve wracking.  Cravings are awful.  AWFUL.  Be ready for them.  The little cravings during Hell Week are nothing compared to big stress cravings.  I saw three very determined quitters give in to their cravings this week because the regular cravings are physically and mentally exhausting.  Do not be scared of this but be ready.

I always thought of cravings as contractions a woman has during childbirth.  They are very similar.  They build up and spread until the whole body feels consumed with one unpleasant sensation.  Time distorts as this unpleasant feeling takes over our thoughts.  We focus our attention on working through the unpleasantries, breathing and distracting ourselves.  As the contraction/craving fades we are one step closer to a new life.  As soon as that new life appears we forget all of the pain and focus on the joy.  We never forget the hard work.

The feeling you get after the crave is over is better than any cigarette.  This feeling of accomplishment is a rush in itself.  Not the same as a nicotine rush.  Defiantly better than a nicotine rush.  The feeling is harder to identify unless I really think about my overall satisfaction with what I am doing with my life and health.  When I think about this and compare it to the nicotine rush I would much rather choose my quit alternative.  It is what motivates me to continue this wicked journey.

It has been a little cold here so I have been avoiding my walks.  I know, I know.  You miss the pictures.  So do I.  I will get out there soon.  I have not gained much weight yet and I think it is because I have been excercising and focusing on my health. I do not want to lose that momentum.

Day 19: Maintaining a Quit is Hard Work

A friend of mine quit around the same time as I did.  Actually, three others quit within the same week I think.  I did not realize that we all decided to quit - it was actually a coincidence.  One bit the dust about two weeks ago, the other a few days ago and then the last relapsed last night.  They were all using NRT's.

The last made mention that he was fine the first two weeks and then it started to get tougher.  He has gone through the same things I have been dealing with as far as relapse temptation. He said he will continue his quit tomorrow...Better luck next quit. There is nothing I can say to any of them to encourage recovery or a new quit. I am in too fragile of a place to offer much support.

Their relapse did give me some perspective on my own troubles.  How easy it is to lie to ourselves and start smoking again.  The seduction of addiction is an awful, awful feeling.  Picking up a cigarette is so easy.  So tempting.  It takes a lot of work to not do so.  Which is why I think I am struggling - I am focusing my energy on sources of stress and not smoking.  It is exhausting.

Crying - Good or Bad?
Today I really struggled again.  I cried a couple of times while trying to deal with my stress.  I wanted to blame the tears on smoking, but the tears were really a product of my stress.  My brain was telling me I was crying because I would not give into the craving.  I was really crying because I was allowing myself the energy to focus on my problems without the chemical help of nicotine.

I remember that during the times I used to smoke when I was upset it would stop me from crying.  I would never have to cry about things that upset me - for some reason smoking would stop this.  So now when something upsetting happens - the waterworks will not stop.  My addictive brain says I am crying because I am so upset because I can not allow myself a cigarette.  I know I said that already, but this is a new thought that I am trying to hash out.

Time to Refocus on my Quit Tools
My quit was starting to become easy.  Some of my blog posts were really short because I had some easy days.  I went lax on the crave bag, the stuff that I used during Hell Week.  I am going to pull that out again to help maintain my quit during these tough times.  Going back to the almonds, focusing on eating well, taking the walks and keeping my hands busy with my Knook.  I will also blog if I start crying again.  I need to catch that moment to really know what is going on.  I should also start reading the letter I wrote myself, these are the times that it will be most useful to me.

Day 18: Dealing with High Amounts of Stress without Smoking

As a smoker, I would automatically try to figure out my problems with numerous cigarettes and pots of coffee. I would smoke many cigarettes rehashing how to solve the problems of my life. It always seemed that those cigarettes helped me get through those times. The smoke breaks that I took gave me an excuse to stop cleaning, working and even parenting to think solely about my stress and try to find answers. Did this time really help me to solve my problems? Looking back, I really cannot remember if those problems were really solved with all of that brainstorming.

When trying to quit early on, I have to focus my complete energy on the quit, the cravings, my healing body and build my self esteem. When a stressful event happens that steals away my energy and focus, I am automatically reaching for a cigarette. Relapse danger is so close and so real, I feel that I have to double my efforts into not smoking.

What happens then to solving the source of my stress? Well without the cigarettes I am still trying to figure out an answer to my problems. I know that one of the smartest actions I can take is give my stress some time to settle in and allow me a little perspective on the whole problem in the first place. Smoking now at the height of an onset of stress is not going to help matters any. Smoking will add to the problems I already have.

Another motivation for not smoking is beating the trigger. I have read over and over that if a trigger is beaten and riding out a craving is successful than the next time that situation appears the craving is no longer there. This turns not smoking during these triggers into a challenge, and each trigger is a milestone. Got into an argument? Check. Mouthy teenager? Check. Stubbed my toe? Check.

I liken this to not wanting a cigarette in the morning anymore. I did not quit in the morning on Day 1.  I smoked in the morning because that was how important that morning cigarette was to me. Now I do not think of smoking in the morning at all. I beat that trigger, and it no longer is necessary to be able to start my day.

Day 17: Time Distortion

Wow.  The days really are flying by.  It is hard to believe that I have not ingested nicotine for 17 whole days.  Before all this the whole prospect of quitting smoking frightened me completely.  It has been hard for me to visualize having a good number of days under my feet.  I have been so busy living day to day and sometimes by the hour and of course three minute intervals that the fact that I have gone so long is very exciting.

Quitting smoking is a full time job.  We must always stay on top of our addictive minds, constantly reassuring ourselves, moving through cravings and getting through the day.  When I lay my head down at night and my chest doesn't burn, my hair still smells good and my fingers do not smell of smoke I feel the fruit of my labors.

I am still dealing with sinus problems and a sore throat.  I also have two canker sores that make it hurt to eat or talk.  Lastly, I am dealing with a terrible case of heartburn which I never have had before.  I am not coughing up phlegm or mucus very much.  It feels as if my body is rebelling against me.  Grrr.

Day 16: Body Adjustments to Nicotine Withdrawal

I wanted to remark that my dizziness has gone away.  I am not light headed at all - thank goodness.

My throat is really sore today and yesterday so not sure if it is from no smoking or if I am coming down with something.  I know I said that last week too.  I am hoping that this is my body cleaning itself out.  It is gratifying to know that it can do this.  I am doing my best to eat well, take vitamins and plenty of fluids still.

I am no longer exhausted.  I am neither full of energy.  I feel like I have evened out with the energy which is nice.  I am still drinking coffee in the afternoon, which is something I have always done.  This is a ten year habit.  I am thinking that needs to end soon.  The caffeine is not making me feel awake.  I am doing this for the warm cup, comfort factor so I wonder if I find a good flavored tea I could switch over.  I know a lot of tea has caffeine also but the coffee thing is bothering me.  It is a stimulant much like nicotine.

I am still walking.  Once again, always grateful to enjoy these sights in exchange for coffee and cigarettes on my deck.

Day 15: Nicotine Relapse is a Reality

No, I have not relapsed on my two week anniversary.  I want to talk about relapse because the possibility to do so is there.  In fact, I think as the days go by, the possibility for a relapse grows greater than the day before.  It is wonderful that I gain confidence and self esteem with each day that goes by, each craving that I accept and each time I walk away.  My addict mind can easily fool itself in thinking that I can have one cigarette, even a half of a cigarette - no make that one puff and then I will continue with my quit no problem.  My confidence will become my worst enemy.

Relapses begin because we forget the Law of Addiction.  I do not get to take credit for that fantastic name. I am taking this idea from www.whyquit.com, and if you have not visited this website I urge you to do so.  www.whyquit.com is my inspiration, my support group and my education for my cold turkey quit.

The Law of Addiction is a basic definition of the permanent change nicotine has created in my brain.  Nicotine addiction has created pathways in my brain that will never be erased.  It does not matter if I smoke now, 10 years from now or even 30 years from now - if I take a hit of nicotine even once I will go back to my old habit.  Relapse will guarantee failure.  Pretty scary?  Hell yes.

Our brains try to tell us the only normal is the nicotine high normal.  It takes about two weeks for the brain to start reconditioning itself to a new normal.  The brain still holds on to what the nicotine normal is and that is what constantly nags a recovering smoker.

So during those times of confidence, the times that my addict brain wants to bargain for what it used to know as normal I must remember the Law of Addiction.  I must remember that if I choose to smoke I am choosing to go back to my old consumption of a pack a day.  It is never just one.  Ever.