Saturday, January 21, 2012

Day 4: A Day of Relief

Well I am really glad I resisted my horrifying cravings yesterday to make it to today.  It was an easy day.  No clusters, no huge earth shattering craves that paralyzed me.

I was in a huge trigger moment today.  I and my friend would always go and get coffee, go to a park and rehash our lives.  We sat in the park, drank our coffee (green tea for me), and she smoked.  I actually felt like I should be walking instead of just sitting there.  I enjoyed myself, we hadn't reconnected in quite awhile.  The need I felt really was nothing, like a fly I had to keep brushing away.

I am finding out that my afternoon coffee and smoke break had a bigger impact on my life than I thought.  It does trigger me about as much as the morning time.  I am finding that if I do struggle or need to be prepared, it is in the morning and the afternoon.  I am hoping that now that my body has fully purged the nicotine it will get easier and I can start learning to live without cigarettes.  I am also finding that I only drink one cup of coffee in the morning and one in the afternoon.  When I smoke I would drink a pot in the afternoon and a pot in the morning.  If I did not, I had no energy to function throughout my day.

Energy levels, with the exception of yesterday, are pretty good.  I feel a little tired in the afternoon, but not enough to want to nap.  In comparison, when I smoke I am ready to sleep by 10 am.  My brain feels a little foggy and I am having trouble concentrating on anything for longer than 30 minutes.  I am getting ADD jokes from the family.  I am getting dizzy pretty often which is kind of strange and if that continues I may give the doc a call.

I am hoping the fogginess, dizziness and ADD is all the oxygen flooding my brain.  I am hoping that my brain is not used to oxygen rich blood and has to regulate itself a little bit.  Purging my body of carbon monoxide and all of those poisons will have some effects I have to feel.  My sinuses are clogged up and my throat is also beginning to get sore.  Not sure if this is purging, or I am getting sick.

Speaking of purging poisons, my mind is returning over and over to many different detox and health programs to support how my body heals from the cigarette toxins.  I figure I have subjected my body to these poisons for over twenty years, I really need to do everything I can to clean up the mess.  I have been researching different detox programs to decide how I want to go about cleaning house.  To me the detox actually feels like a reward.

I am walking or exercising in one way or another to start my change in lifestyle, contribute to my heart and lung health, and up those dopamine levels.  I can tell you that reconnecting with nature every morning is damn good for the soul.  Just what I need to reward myself for hard work.  Speaking of rewards, birchbox.com may be something I am going to look into as a reward for quitting.  I figure I will order from them on my one month anniversary.



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