Day 25: Dealing with Anger and Irritability During a Quit

Angry like a Steaming Kettle
I want to say that I was really worried about always being angry, upset and sad.  It seemed as if I would never be happy again.  I felt that I would always have anger issues because I had ruined how my brain handles stress.  During the beginnings of a quit the only thing I could do was distract myself from what I was angry about.  I had to tell myself that I am not really this angry about my situation, and that only my brain is not ready to handle the problem at hand.  Usually this tactic worked.  I did not want to succumb to my anger - I held down a lot of feelings.  Some still leaked through.

A Little Farther into the Quit
Now I know that I am more in tune with my feelings than ever before.  I do not have as many uncontrollable surges of anger.  Now I know I can not blame my angry or irrational feelings on nicotine relapse.  Now I have to face those feelings and reactions.  I have to assess why am feeling and acting the way I do, and figure out what changes and responsibilities that I have to take.  Pretty scary feeling when 25 days ago all I had to say is, "I need a cigarette."

A Path to Self Discovery
So this is something new I am learning about myself.  Who knew that quitting smoking would bring on so many changes?  Who knew that smoking affected not just my physical health, but also my mental health?  I have been hiding for so long behind my cigarettes that I had no idea how self destructive I was being.  I was cheating myself out of being a well rounded adult that can assess situations in a healthy manner.  Now I am not only learning how to eat, exercise and get through a day without smoking.  I also have to learn how to think through situations differently.