A friend of mine quit around the same time as I did. Actually, three others quit within the same week I think. I did not realize that we all decided to quit - it was actually a coincidence. One bit the dust about two weeks ago, the other a few days ago and then the last relapsed last night. They were all using NRT's.
The last made mention that he was fine the first two weeks and then it started to get tougher. He has gone through the same things I have been dealing with as far as relapse temptation. He said he will continue his quit tomorrow...Better luck next quit. There is nothing I can say to any of them to encourage recovery or a new quit. I am in too fragile of a place to offer much support.
Their relapse did give me some perspective on my own troubles. How easy it is to lie to ourselves and start smoking again. The seduction of addiction is an awful, awful feeling. Picking up a cigarette is so easy. So tempting. It takes a lot of work to not do so. Which is why I think I am struggling - I am focusing my energy on sources of stress and not smoking. It is exhausting.
Crying - Good or Bad?
Today I really struggled again. I cried a couple of times while trying to deal with my stress. I wanted to blame the tears on smoking, but the tears were really a product of my stress. My brain was telling me I was crying because I would not give into the craving. I was really crying because I was allowing myself the energy to focus on my problems without the chemical help of nicotine.
I remember that during the times I used to smoke when I was upset it would stop me from crying. I would never have to cry about things that upset me - for some reason smoking would stop this. So now when something upsetting happens - the waterworks will not stop. My addictive brain says I am crying because I am so upset because I can not allow myself a cigarette. I know I said that already, but this is a new thought that I am trying to hash out.
Time to Refocus on my Quit Tools
My quit was starting to become easy. Some of my blog posts were really short because I had some easy days. I went lax on the crave bag, the stuff that I used during Hell Week. I am going to pull that out again to help maintain my quit during these tough times. Going back to the almonds, focusing on eating well, taking the walks and keeping my hands busy with my Knook. I will also blog if I start crying again. I need to catch that moment to really know what is going on. I should also start reading the letter I wrote myself, these are the times that it will be most useful to me.
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